How Did I Get So Fat????

I know how. This is a very sensitive and personal topic for me but I feel the need to be completely raw and real with my readers. I have never been a skinny girl and I have always been okay with that. The smallest I have ever been was 140 lbs. throughout high school. I stayed between 140-155 lbs. up until my junior year in college. Then I started gaining weight but it still was not catastrophic. Even at 160 lbs I was still decent looking...fast forward 3 years and now I a whopping 219 lbs.!!!!! 0_0


What is sad is, I have lost 15 lbs in the last two months. 219 pounds on a 5'5 frame is too much. I am past overweight. I am medically obese and something has to be done about this. 


I have dieted before but I always backslide. I think this time I need to start out with the deeper issues, like why I am eating what I am eating? I admit I am a binge eater, especially on sweets. I also know a lot of my eating are triggered by emotions. I am in tears writing this...because it is hard to see these words written. When I am mad, sad, anxious, and even sometimes happy- I EAT. I need to find healthier alternatives instead of eating to comfort myself. I need to cook healthier. I need to love myself enough to see the necessity in a healthy lifestyle. I want to live as long as I can. I do not want to deal with diabetes, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol! I HAVE to be more conscious. I have a hard time losing weight on my own so...


Weight Watchers is my last life line. I have done WW four times already, each time I am moderately successful but I never stick to the program so I can not give a good review of the program. I am excited to try the new Points Plus program! 


My goal weight is between 140-150 lbs. I can do it, it will just take determination, hard work, and discipline. I am making a promise which makes me accountable for something/ someone other than myself and the WW scale. If anyone cares to join me in this weight loss journey, please do. It would be fun and encouraging. I have a   few different journeys going on right now but this one is the most important to me. I will document my weight journey with pictures. I am not ready for a picture yet. But the first day I join WW I will take a picture.  


My Plan

• Weight Watchers (healthier cocking, eating, snacks, etc.)
• Gym/Exercise (3-5 times a week)
• Writing 
• Documenting

I AM TIRED OF BEING A DAMN WHALE and IT'S UP TO ME TO CHANGE IT!

To You, on Mother's Day

This year has been very difficult with plenty obstacles, losses, and let downs. But one thing that has remained the same- your LOVE. I know I do not always make it easy to love me but you still do. Over two months ago, you took me in after I had lost everything. You made a way despite your financial status. But you didn't stop there,medically, you made certain I was cared for. Again, despite your own pain and medical needs. I want to thank you! I am an adult and I recognize you don't have to do ANYTHING, yet you still do and I am eternally grateful . You've made so many sacrifices, not just now, BUT all my life. I am sorry if I ever made you feel like you did a poor job because truthfully, you didn't. You were "dealt a tough hand" and you played them the best way you knew how to. I love you for your selflessness, generosity, forgiveness, and even your rough edges, Of course we have had our ups and downs but we've learned from them. As a child I did not understand and pinned in a lot of pain and anger. We did not always have but you made a way Just like you say, "ALWAYS FORWARD, NEVER BACKWARD". I apologize if I have ever hurt you or made you feel like less, than the amazing mommy you are. There is another saying, "hurt people, hurt people". I have been had a huge chip on my shoulder for years AND I am determined to break that chip away. I do not know what our next chapter will be but I pray it will be brighter, and a happier place. I am thankful to have you, another mother's day...many do not realize just how lucky/blesses they are to have their mothers.


I LOVE YOU & Happy Mother's Day






*To those who have lost their mother's and struggle on this day, I pray for you healing and I love you. God Bless*

Update on Beyonce's Move Ya Body Video (WHAT IT IS REALLY ABOUT)

Beyonce' has joined NAB ( non-alcoholic beverages) company as a partner along with the "Let's Move flash event", dedicated to fighting childhood obesity with the first lady Michelle Obama "let's move" campaign. This explains the school cafeteria setting for the 'Move ya Body' , and all the healthy food choices in the video. If anyone should or could promote exercising through dance, I would definitely say Mrs. Knowles- Carter can because she is infamous for her cardio dance routines. 

First Lady Recaps One Year start of the 'Move Ya Body' Program

Also, Beyoncé, Tina Knowles, and Deréon have teamed up with First Lady Michelle Obama as the t-shirt sponsor for the "Let's Move! Flash Workout” campaign.

Michelle Obama talking about and doing some of  the 'move ya body' dance routine

My Knowles- Carter decided to do a surprise visit to a school, in Harlem, that was performing their 'move ya body' rendition. The excitement brought tears to my eyes. Just watch! Another reason why I  can love this woman.

Bey ♥ the kids

sited:  http://www.letsmove.gov/ and courtesy of youtube.com

Osama Bin Laden Dead...now what? (Impromptu Post)

Tonight it has been announced that Osama bin Laden has been killed. When I first heard the news I was excited and now I feel fear. I feel that as Americans, we must now be on our toes more than ever. What about Bin Laden's children? Are they not followers of his doctrines and theories? I have been waiting almost 40 mins for President Obama to make the official statement. Despite the uncertainty I am relieved Bin Laden has been captured (even dead) because people must not forget he killed over 4k Americans, master mind of 9/11, and the man behind al-Qaeda. It has been almost ten years.


11:30 p.m
Finally, the president speaks and confirms Osama bin Laden's death but what proof will they present to the American citizens ?


I love how thorough the president was so thorough with this explanation of the mission to capture Bin Laden and clarification of who Osama was - which was not a Muslim leader! I do not know what to expect but all I can say is there is still need for us (the American people) to stay aware and up to par on what is going on. 


"OUR WAR IS NOT AGAINST ISLAM" - President Barack Obama


That is it for now...later.

BEY SERVES!!!!!

I just saw Beyonce's 'Move Ya Body' video and all I could do was scream because she was serving left and right....for those that doubted or didn't like "GIRLS..." I am sure you will LOVE this video. It does seem like a remix to her " Get Me Bodied" but it is newer and improved. The concept of the video is super cute and I loved it. I love this woman!!!!!

courtesy of youtube.com

Friends with BENEFITS/ Casual Sex

Okay, so this is a touchy subject because there are so many people who don't believe friends with benefits relationships can be healthy relationships, I DISAGREE. I speak from personal experience when I give my opinion. 


I believe having a friend you can go to to talk about things that bother you, console in, and be intimate with, without the pressure of a romantic relationship can be a very liberating  experience. Of course the individuals involved often care about each other and if it is a long term 'friends with benefits' relationship, they may even LOVE one another. I can say I loved my partner of several years but we were never in a titled relationship, in fact we used to share our love lives with each other, often after or before being intimate. It may seem like this would be an unhealthy interaction but for us, it worked (really well). I loved it and I loved him. We shared intimate secrets and gave great advice to one another. We always knew what we wanted from OUR relationship, and we followed suit.


I think the problem with casual sex or 'friends with benefits' happens with parties are not completely honest. Either they say they do not want a romantic relationship and really do or they do not want anything but sex but instead of being honest, they say they want more, so they can have (a) sexual encounter(s) with the other party. Maybe both people are being dishonest with each other and/or themselves. These behaviors are destined for doom. Now, obviously life throws us curve balls that we can not control- like falling in love with someone. As soon as you start feeling those feelings, YOU MUST share that with your partner so you can discuss the feelings, and you can decide what you want to do. At least if you have discussed it, your partner can never be blind sided by your emotions. If your partner does not share any of the feelings you have, it may hurt to walk away BUT it the best option sometimes. Because usually your feelings will become stronger, and their feelings don't change much. Ultimately, it is a personal choice but I have been there and done that, and I never want to do that shit again.

Two mature adults can make a decision if they want to consent to casual sex, if they are friends- that is cool. The easiest way to avoid misleading is to discuss what you want your relationship to be so there is no misunderstanding. The most important fact in this discussion any of this is to stay protected. Safe Sex is the Best Sex: Please WRAP up....there are so many STIs and STDs out there. You owe it to yourself to protect yourself, trust me you are worth it! Also get your STD check ups at least 1-2  times a year, every 6 months. At least once a year ask for a Herpes blood test, it sometimes does cost more and it is not included in a routine check up, it is important. Below I have listed two  of many VERY important Herpes facts. 

• One in five Americans have genital herpes (yet at least 80 percent of those with herpes are unaware they have it).

• About one in five people in the United States over age 12 (approximately 45 million individuals) are infected with HSV-2, the virus that causes genital herpes.²

facts courtesy of http://www.globalherbalsupplies.com/herpes/stats.html

Red Lip Update

So, as you know I have been on my conquest for the perfect red lip. I would not say I am there yet BUT I have a red shade that I like and I think it works okay for me. It is called Eros by NYX. My next shade I want to try is by NARS, Fire Down Below. SN: For this look I also used Smashbox primer under my foundation. It was so smooth and made my skin so silky. Definitely have to get that a.s.a.p!

SEXTING (Adult Content)

So this has become a big deal lately. People everywhere use their mobile devices as a form of communication with others. Cell phones are becoming more and more a part of everyones daily social interaction, and sexual interaction is not excluded from these daily interactions. "Sexting" is the act of sending explicit pictures or messages between cell phones. Although this seems very funny, it can and has gotten out of control. Obviously, usually a consenting individual sends explicit messages and pictures of their self BUT usually with the intention of only being seen by one person. Of course it is almost impossible to control someone showing pictures to their friends or buddies, once the image in their possession. This is exactly what has happened in the past with many teens AND adults, leading to lawsuits, suicides, and hurt feelings/reputations. I am not going to be self righteous or naive. My only advice is BE CAREFUL!




Now, that leads me into my next topic. It seems like now when you meet someone, even if you are just casually talking, the odds of them asking for an explicit picture are fairly great. This just happened to me. I know this may seem crazy, crude, and disgusting to many- but it is reality. I do not think it has anything to do with what type of girl or guy you are, or how much self respect one has for themselves because people share sexy pictures and messages everyday that have pride and respect for themselves. You may be surprised by this but I am not against these actions. It all depends on the circumstance. I feel there is a difference in a long term couple or even a married couple sexting versus a couple of teenagers dating for a few weeks and sending each other pics of their genitals. I am not condoning young people sexting. I think there is age appropriate activity for almost everything, sexting is not exempt, so....that is where I will leave my opinion on that. 


If you are a parent, talk to your kids about sex. Do not be to ashamed. If your a teen or an adult and you sext, think smart & be careful! I know I probably did not say what I "should" have said or what would be expected of me on this sensitive topic BUT this was a real life post. I compare sexting or not sexting to the message of being abstinent or safe sex (condoms and birth control). The reality is people are going to sext, the precaution taken is what is important. Now, the next conversation should be what precautions can one take when sexting?