Thursday, June 19, 2014

Pizza Pizza!!!





Pizza is one of my favorite foods, and unfortunately it's can be one of the most detrimental foods as well, with its immense carbs and sugars. But no fear because the pizza gods have answered our prayers with Cauliflower Crust Pizza.






What you need (Ingredients):

  •      2 cups of Cauliflower (I used fresh, but I don’t see why frozen wouldn’t work)
  •      1-2 eggs (depending on size and preference)
  •      2 ½  cups of Reduced Fat Mozzarella (or Cheese of Preference)
  •        ¼ c parsley (chopped)
  •      Pasta/Pizza Sauce (I bought organic bottled sauce but you can definitely make your own)
  •     4 cloves of garlic
  •     Salt and ground black pepper to taste (moderately)
  •     Olive Oil (Oil of preference


What to do (Directions):

  1. Run your cauliflower through a food processor or blender until cauliflower is shredded (no huge chucks)
  2. Bring a pot of water to boil, place a steamer (some strainers work just as good) into a pot and fill with water just below the steamer, add cauliflower in the steamer for about 10-15 minutes, cover, and steam until tender. Once tender, transfer to bowl and let cool. You can refrigerate, to speed up cooling.
  3. Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Line a pizza pan or backing sheet with parchment paper and grease parchment paper with olive oil
  4. Stir 1 ½ cups of cheese, eggs, parsley, garlic, salt and pepper into cauliflower.
  5. Pour mixture onto parchment lined baking sheet/pizza pan
  6. Press and shape for pizza crust
  7. Bake in preheated oven for 15 minutes
  8. Once crust is done, let cool for about 5 minutes.
  9. Layer pizza sauce (amount is based on preference. I used about 2/3 c but you can definitely use more).
  10. Layer 1 cup of cheese on top of pasta sauce, followed by all desired  toppings
  11. Bake for 10 minutes or until cheese is bubbly.
  12. ENJOY!
Italian & Cheddar reduced fat blend cheese, topped with mushrooms, black olives, red onions, spinach, grape tomatoes, and pepperoni


Now that you have the basics, you can change and adapt the recipe to your desired taste. Making this is super easy and fun. In my healthy lifestyle journey, I have stopped counting calories. I still am aware of them them but I am not a strict calorie counter. So, I apologize to those who would like to know the calories of the pizza. I believe it's less than 300 calories in ½ pie, if you make it like I do. I strive to eat clean and nutritious, and enjoy treats in moderation. But if you need to see your calories, I know there are recipe/calorie counters that might be helpful. Have a great day, and if you try the recipe, let me know how it goes.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

It's About Time For An Update: 21 DAY JUICE FAST

Hey guys!

I'm going to just jump right in...

Saturday June 7th (Day One)

I had 3 green juices and 2 all fruit juices.I drank water all day. The cravings were relentless. I wanted SUGAR more than anything; bread, candy, cakes. You name it I wanted it. I did have a headache for a couple hours and I did sleep most of the day. I'm not going to even sugar coat it, it was tough!

Sunday June 8th (Day Two)

I had 2 green juices, one all fruit juice and one carrot and apple juice. Day Two morning was better, around noon I felt tired, and I did take a nap. It has been said that when that tired feeling comes, you should drink another juice but instead I did go to sleep, because I felt so full from my morning juice. I drank plenty of water. When I woke up from my nap, I was still a bit tired and groggy, I drank a green juice and I was bouncing off the walls, cleaning the kitchen 5 mins later. The juices gave me amazing energy.

Monday June 9th (Day Three)
My first day back in the office while trying to fast and it was my bosses birthday, so she bought in doughnuts (*womp womp*) and we surprised her with her favorite cheesecake (Banana Cream Cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory) it seriously was the most tortuous thing I have ever dealt with, lol.  Watching everyone eat while I drank. Nevertheless I made it through! A few hours later I spoke with a RN at my doctor's office who called to discuss my lab results from a recent physical. I advised her of my juice fasting, initially she was excited but that excitement soon turned to concern, so concerned that she  as she consulted my doctor. To make a long story short, my doctor advised me NOT to juice fast, mainly because I have a disorder called Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome, which is a hormonal disorder. Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS is a common disorder that has many symptoms and factors. One of the major factors of the disorder/disease is insulin resistance. 

My doctor is concerned that only drinking juices might confuse my body by creating extreme spikes in my insulin, and cause more harm than good. There is no doubt that juicing is definitely a healthy addition to any diet (diet meaning what you eat, not to be confused with "fad dieting") and instead suggested I use juicing as a supplement. So I will be eating 2 solid meals a day and drinking juice 2x a day for the rest of the 21 days. I should have checked with my doctor before embarking on my fast, with that being said, please consult your physician if you have any health concerns and want to do a juice fast.

I still plan on updating you guys and posting pics of my juices and recipes.



Red Juice:Beets, Carrots, Apples, and Ginger Root &
 Simply Green :Spinach, Apples, oranges, Lemon, Ginger Root, & Celery

 Juice prepping


Carrot & Apple Juice


Prepping for Mean Green Juice

Strawberry, Blueberry, & Pineapple Juice

Mean Green Juice:                            
 2 med apples (I used green)           
4 stalk of Celery
1 cucumber
1 inch of ginger root
6 Kale Leaves
1/2 lemon
1/2-1 cup pineapple (great addition for beginners)

Simply Green Juice:
3 handfuls of Spinach
2 celery stalks
1 orange
2 apples
1/2 lemon
1 inch of ginger root

Carrot & Apple Juice:
5 carrots
2 apples
you can add spinach to give you some green

Strawberry,Blueberry, & Pineapple juice:
12 strawberries
2 cups of blueberries

Beets, Carrots, Apples, and Ginger Root:
2 apples
2 beets
3 carrots
inch ginger root


As you start juicing you will realize there are countless combinations of fruits and vegetables, which is great because whatever you like, you can combine. Remember, many vegetables and especially fruits are high in sugar, so be careful not to counteract all your good intentions with sugar.

Have a great day guys!
xoxo








Saturday, June 7, 2014

Day 1: 21 Day Juice Fast

Good Morning guys!

I started my day with a Mean Green Juice with Pineapple. The ingredients are listed below:

Ingredients
  • Apples - 2 medium (3" dia) 364g
  • Celery - 4 stalk, large (11"-12" long) 256g
  • Cucumber - 1 cucumber (8-1/4") 301g
  • Ginger Root - 1 thumb (1" dia) 24g
  • Kale - 6 leaf (8-12") 210g
  • Lemon- 1/2 fruit
  • Pineapple- 3 rings 
Since I'm not eating solid foods, I'll have 5-6 16 oz. juices each day. My 3 meals. 2 snacks, and an "after workout" juice or a late night juice (depending on how satisfied I am). The first 3 days are usually the hardest because you're body is detoxing and it will crave all the things you love; sugar, sodium, sugar lol. But, once you make it over the hump you'll be fine. I will share how day one went in my day two entry. I won't load up pictures of all of my juices but I'll always keep you updated. Let's do it. Be great!

Before:
After:

Friday, June 6, 2014

21 Day Juice Fast Prep Day

 

Shopping List:

•Apples (Green, Pink Lady, & Fuji)
•Oranges
•Grapefruit (Red)
•Strawberries
•Raspberries 
•Lemons 
•Pineapples
•Beet root
•Cucumbers
•Kale
•Cabbage (Red)
•Spinach
•Carrots
•Ginger Root
•Celery
•Sweet Potatoes
•Almond Milk
•Squash
•Tea (fruity and savory flavors)

This should last about 5 days.

Prep Tip:
The last couple of days, I have increased my water intake, and increased salads and fruits to help me transition into liquids only.

Happy Juicing! 

#rebootwithBambi #rebootwithJoe #juicing #raweating #21dayjuicefast
#juicefeast #live #love #eat #fitness #wellness #health #fightstatistics 


Wednesday, June 4, 2014

"She's so nice..." : Healing & Self Worth/Love 101

I have always been taught to be respectful and to always consider others. My grandmother raised me to have reverence and to always be mindful of the treatment of others. She was a force to be reckoned with, to say the least. Due to my rearing, I value respect and I have been conditioned to be quite timid. I consider myself an outspoken and confident woman but over the years my timid deposition has caused me a great deal of pain and anguish, especially with my family. I do not have issues saying the things that need to be said to my friends, employers, and co-workers but when it comes to family I struggle with telling them my true feelings, mainly because I do not want them to think I am trying to hurt their feelings, when that is not my intention. The other reason is definitely due to trust issues, and that extends outside of my family.

Often times when there is an issue in my family there is a lot of violent arguing, yelling, and carrying on. I do not believe in taking low blows at others nor do i think it is effective. Some people behave like this and then want you to forgive them or "move on". Why forgive them when they are doing nothing to correct the negative behavior and plan to do the same thing again? I am not that person for one, and I do not agree with that kind of behavior from adults. Arguing and disagreements are inevitable but is it really necessary to call people names, get physical, use profanity, and or have a disgusting attitude?


In the last few years, I have adopted a newer way of thinking when it comes to people and the way I treat or perceive them. I have realized many people didn't really deserve the respect I gave them. I came to this conclusion because they do not respect others the least bit, and do not respect themselves.  However these are often the same individuals that feel entitled and give themselves to much credit. 


I have struggled a great deal of my life and there have been few people who have truly been there or came to my rescue, with no foul intent. By no means do I feel like anyone owes me anything, instead I am saying, one should not expect unconditional love and a helping hand, when they haven't done the same. I am an adult that deserves respect and I will respect those that give me the same courtesy. I will not allow others to mistreat me or affect my moods, that do not have stock or investment in my life. It's just foolish to do otherwise!


In order to have total body well being, you must be well emotionally and mentally, as well as physically. I have often put my well being, feelings, and my best interest on the back burner, to only be criticized and not even recognized for sacrifices made or work I have done. In my life,"she's so nice" often translated to "she is an easy target to take advantage of", and I will take accountability for allowing people to do so.


I leave you with this, always value yourself, otherwise you will be an easy target. I was easy to mistreat because the perception of the abuser is that I didn't have self value, others notice this and WILL take advantage of your "kindness". Do not allow others to make you feel obligated, guilty, and or allow others to victimize themselves especially when they are, in fact, wrong. Do rid yourself of toxic friendships and relationships  (I will post more detail on toxic relationships soon). Do be strong and stand for the things you believe in. Understand that when people truly love you, they will not constantly try to exude negative emotions, your way or place unreasonable pressures on you. Learning how not to tolerate, what I consider, mistreatment from others has been challenging and I am sure my non-tolerance has ruffled feathers, but I am committed to a life of loving myself and being respectful.


I will never change who I am because of negative people. I will still remain "nice" and pleasant to those that treat me with decency, show me love, and respect. One of my best friends always says "I show/give love where its shown/given" and that is the silver lining. Have a great day guys!


"Life is a flow of love; your participation is requested."


xoxo



SaudiCurlyLocks




Tuesday, June 3, 2014

21 DAY JUICE FAST

Hi there!


I am embarking on an organic juice fast that I plan on starting June 7th. I ordered an inexpensive juicer from overstock.com, I plan to purchase a nicer one soon, which should be here Friday, and I plan to document my journey with you guys, twitter, and Instagram. I have done a juice cleanse before, last year around this same time.

 Last year I decided to try juicing after I watched Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, which documents the 60 day juice fast of Joe Cross. The movie was remarkable and an extreme eye opener, it motivated me, not only to change my life but do do more research on food I eat, my body, and my mind. I jump started my weight loss, and cleaner eating by juicing for breakfast,lunch, and for dinner, I had solid healthy foods. 

I lost 45 lbs (which put me at 185 lbs) between June 2013 and January 2014. In February I moved to New York for a couple months. While in New York I was not mindful of my nutrition and diet, and because of this I gained 23 lbs back (208 lbs). In May I moved back to North Carolina and I have been trying to mentally warp my mind around getting my healthy lifestyle on track. I have discovered several other things about my body, health, and life since May and I will be sharing that with all of you. I am in a different state of mind and I am happy to have you here with me. I have included some pics so you can see my past weight loss and my current gained. Be gentle...

Look forward to keeping you updated!

xoxo
Bambi
Saudi Curlylocks

 Weight Gain Pictures:

June 2014 (current weight 208 lbs.)
June 2014 (current weight 208 lbs.)
                           




 Weight Loss Pictures:
November 2013 (190 lbs)

December 2013 (180 lbs.)






























Thursday, February 27, 2014

July (Erotica)

July

As I walked into the shop, I noticed her immediately.  July, a stylist at the salon where my husband Raheem gets his hair cut. She stood there with a flat iron in one hand and clippers on her hip. She always had clients in her chair, so our chats were usually brief but she often gives me friendly smiles and compliments. I had to walk by her station to get to my husband’s barber. He had forgotten his wallet at home and of course I had to make sure he had it before he left for his business trip today.
“Brooklyn, I know you not trying to slide past me, without speaking?” she said playfully.
“Hey July, how are you doing love?” I said, as cool as I possibly could. I was hoping she didn’t catch me fixated on her lips. Those full, heart shaped lips, tinted perfectly in purple. I loved her style; she always kept up with the latest trends but somehow managed to create classic looks, not to mention she was sick with her craft.
“I’m good. Staying busy. When are you going to come and let me get you out of that bun?” she asked smiling.
“I know this BORING ole bun” I said, while smoothing out my nape. “I’m going to schedule an appointment soon.”  I started to fidget a little, embarrassed that I had been wearing buns as my go to hairstyle for the last year.
“Your bun is your comfort; you just need someone to show you, you have other options. I think I have a few open appointments this weekend if you want to come in?”
For a moment I forgot what we were conversing about, and was in a bit of a trance. The sound of Raheem’s voice abruptly snapped me out it, “Brooklyn! I would like to pay the man sometime today” in his normal common manner. Before turning around quickly I replied “I will do that” to July. Glancing at me while wrapping her client’s hair she said “I will be looking forward to it”.
Raheem was a provider, no doubt and he was good to me. But he was what you would call a ‘nice asshole’, oxymoron I know but it fit his description perfectly. We had been married 3 years and I was very in love and blessed to have him. The only thing I was dissatisfied about was his inability to make love to me. He was a rough lover, which I don’t mind but there are times when a woman needs to be fucked and times she needs to be loved. He only knew how to fuck me. I often felt like I was performing a household chore during our sex sessions.
 I bent down to the chair he was sitting in, and gave him a kiss; he kissed me back, and I reached in my purse to give him his wallet. When my lips touched his, all I wished was that they were July’s lips. I wanted those purple kisses. I wished him safe travels and I headed to the front desk receptionist and made an appointment with July for Friday evening.
The Thursday evening before my hair appointment I received a text from an unfamiliar number that read “I can’t wait to get my hands in your pretty hair.” The message made me smile from ear to ear, and I replied “yes, I am so ready” and stored her number in my phone. We chatted off and on for the remainder of the night, about how I would like my hair, random things we enjoyed doing, and music. That same night she posted a picture online of her going to an event that sent me straight into lust mode. The most lustful thoughts, ‘Damn she was sitting that ass out, tits looked scrumptious, and those sexy ass tattoos on her caramel skin turned me on. Her style was flawless and her confidence could stop anyone in their tracks. After my thirsty ass liked her picture I knew I had to have her.
The next day while I was getting ready for work she facetimed me. I was nervous about answering, usually I prefer that someone text me, to ask me am I available for facetime, but that wasn’t the case with this call. I answered the call.
“So, what do I owe the pleasure?” I asked, trying to position my phone so she could not see that I was only in my bra and panties.
“What’s up Brooklyn, I’m sorry for hitting you with no heads up”
“It’s cool. Is everything ok, with my appointment later?” I asked a little confused and excited at the same time.
“Yea, we are good with your appointment. I meant to ask you last night, do you smoke? Cause I wanted to smoke and cool out, a little, if you want to join me?”
Still trying to hold the phone so she couldn’t see I was damn near naked, I replied “ yea, I do and that sounds cool. I’ll text you when I get to work, because I am running late.”
“ok, no problem. See ya later.”
I really only rushed her off the phone because I didn’t want her to see me blushing.
While at work we texted and talked all day, and I found myself shivering from thoughts of her kissing me. She told me she had picked up some wine; red and white because she didn’t know which I liked more, and she was also cooking. I hadn’t thought to myself once, what was happening. I was just going with the flow. I loved the way she spoke to me.
At 4:45 pm I got a text from her that said,”I can’t wait to make you fall in love and get my hands in there, I want to make sure you are satisfied and very happy”. I sat up in my chair, arched my back, and stretched my arms until I let out a light moan. I was instantly turned on and I started to fill the moisture building up. My new lace panties and pantyhose were both sopped from my excitement.  
My appointment wasn’t until 7:00 pm so I had time to get home and hop in the shower. While in the shower my mind began to wander and fantasize of July eating my pussy in her salon chair while I watched her devour me in the full length mirror. I snapped out of my shower day dreaming when my music stopped. I swiftly finished my shower, and started to get dressed. I asked myself ‘g string or nothing? Sneakers or high heels?’
 After all it had been almost five years since I’d been this attracted to a woman. The pink g string I chose accented my full ass and cinnamon complexion, I decided I wasn’t wearing heels or sneakers and instead chose my thigh-high flat riding boots because I wanted to ride her face like, it was a stallion.
It took me no time to get the salon. It seemed like every light was green and there was no traffic in sight. Maybe I was just in my own zone. Upon arrival at the salon, July greeted me at the door with a hug
 “Hey lover. You smell good”. She sat me in her chair and removed my bun from the crown of my head. I noticed a bottle of 76 Cabernet Sauvignon and wine opener on her work station.
 “We are just going to give you a treatment, blow you out, and a good trim”. She placed her hand in mine, and led me to the shampoo bowl.
Warm water ran over the top of my hair as her hands started to massage my scalp, I exhaled “oh…that feels so good”.
As she leaned closer into me I could now smell her perfume and feel her nipples rubbing my shoulder, she asked “So why did it take you almost a year to schedule an appointment with me?”  
I replied, “I’m the biggest procrastinator. But I’m here now, so…”  at this moment the water from the sink’s spray water hose hit my smock, causing her shirt to get wet, showing her erect nipples and imprints of her nipple jewelry. Some water had also gotten under my smock and trickled down, in between my breast. I responded with a muted shriek.
She finished my sentence “That’s all that matters, right?” I had to cross my legs to keep from giving myself up, that I wanted so badly wanted to taste her. She felt my body’s response to the water that trickled down my shirt
“Did I get you wet?” she asked.
 I giggled “yea, a little bit…”
She bit her lip and began to dry my hair while gesturing me back to her chair, “I like that miss Brooklyn. Tell me what you like.”
Opening the wine, I answered “I don’t know what I like…”
She walked over to the curio cabinet that housed the wine and martini glasses, my eyes couldn’t stop staring at how perfect her hip and ass ratio were, it had me in a trance.
I sat down and she handed me the wine glasses, I poured our wine and she begin to apply leave in conditioner to my curls “You don’t know what you like? Well what don’t you like?”
I answered defensively “actually I do know what I like. I like to be loved, gently, I want to make love”
 “Raheem doesn’t make love to you?” she asked.
 I hadn’t even thought of him, until she mentioned his name. ‘Why did she just do that?’ I thought to myself. Maybe I blew this whole thing out of proportion, maybe she never was interested…she interrupted my thought “Do you like this?” she asked as she started to kiss my neck and nibble on my ears. I whispered “yes” in her ear.
She stopped and looked me in my eyes “I can finish your hair later; I don’t want to do it, just to mess it up”. My body temperature was rising quickly. I finished my wine, tied my hair in a bun; we grabbed our things, and headed to her car. As soon as we got in the car she handed me a rolling tray with papers and one cigar. I rolled up one doobie and one blunt. I lit the doobie first and inhaled the first hit I took. The next hit would be hers. I leaned over her gears and blew her a shotgun, she sucked the smoke out of my mouth so hard that I couldn’t help but start to kiss her. The car swerved “you about to have us in the ditch, doing shit like that” Still smoking I pulled down my pants halfway and starting massaging my clitoris with my fingers, while licking her neck. I passed her the blunt, she took a puff, and exhaled “I want you so bad, we are 5 minutes away from my place”.  I quickly gathered my composure. We pulled into her driveway. Stepping out the car, I felt my moisture dripping down my thigh.  I wiped it with the hand I had been massaging my clit with. “Come here” she demanded, she took my hand and licked my pointer and middle finger clean.
Once we got into the house, we went to the kitchen and got the second bottle of wine. Drinking in between kissing and breathing we moved to the living room. Sitting next to her she began rubbing my pussy on the outside of my panties. She could feel my clitoris enlarged and throbbing because my panties were soaked. Moving my g-string to the side she said, I am going to make love to you and teach him how to make love to you too.  I was in bliss and then I realized what she had said to me.  
I abruptly stopped her “what did you just say?”  
I said “I’m going to make love to you and teach Raheem how to make love you too.” Just as I was pulling away from her in confusion, I felt his hands on my shoulders. It was my husband, I am thinking, “what the fuck is going on?”
Flustered I replied “I’m sorry Raheem”
 Stepping out of the shadow “it’s ok baby, I am not here to judge, merely a pupil.  I have never seen you respond to me the way you responded when July was touching you. I’m here for it”
Raheem rolled up for us, which led to the conversation about their plan to teach him how to make love to me. After our smoke session, it was not long before July and I were back to enjoying each other again. Licking her nipples, they looked and tasted like Rolo candies she moaned “mmmhmmm” I slid down in between her thighs, kissing as I went deeper; she quivered from the first stroke of my tongue on her clitoris. I flattened my tongue and attempted to lap up every drop of her river, which was flowing in abundance “Brooklyn…mmm…Brooklyn, right there” I sucked her until she started to jerk and her moans turned into screams “ahhhh mmm I’m cu-cu cuming”.
Chuckling, she motioned me to come up, “sit on my face”.
I lifted my body and straddled my legs across her face to position my pussy in her mouth. She grabbed my legs and pulled me into her mouth, with immense pressure she inserted her tongue into my pussy “that feels so fucking good” I moaned. I couldn’t help but push her face in more which made the pressure from her tongue became more concentrated, causing me to roll my hips more intently. Our rhythm was impeccable. My legs began to shake and get weak, she knew I was almost ready to erupt and didn’t want to skip a beat, so she grabbed  my legs to give me some additional support after which she let out a muffled command ”cum in my mouth”  and that’s exactly what I did. Just when I thought it was over. She whispered, “should we show him what to do with his dick? I can get the strap” I was in a trance I had again forgot all about my baby who at this time was stroking his manhood on the couch.  I replied, “yes”
I followed her to the bedroom; Raheem followed behind me, still stroking his dick. He sat down at the head of the bed; I got on the bed, facing Raheem, on all fours and to my surprise I felt her tongue again, this time, licking the back of my thighs, making her way up my back to my neck. I felt her warm wet pussy on my ass She gripped my hips as she bent me over and me propped me up. “Oh shit” I moaned as she slide into me. With each stroke in and out, I fell deeper into ecstasy.  My man watching as I got fucked by July’s sexy ass. My response to her gentle stroke turned him on, “damn baby, you love that shit”. Grabbing his dick I said “I do” and filled my mouth with his manhood. I came down on his shaft, tightened my lips as July laid me down with gentle long and deep strokes. My breathing was heavy, while Raheem and July groaned in bliss, almost in unison.  Using my hands to assist my mouth, I looked up at him “you ready?”
He replied, “yes I have never been more ready”.
 I turned around and looked at July  “thank you”.  
“You’re welcome, you deserve it” July whispered. 

I turned back around to my husband, and slowly eased on his dick, “now show me what you learned baby”.
--- Saudi Honey


Friday, January 24, 2014

Guess who's Bizzack???

Hey Guys!!!

So I know I have been MIA but with good reason. My PC crashed and I had so much going on in my life..but I have not been dormant. I have so much to share. I have ventured on several different journeys (i,e weight loss, self image, coping with death, love lost, my hair, unconditional love, etc). I've had some wonderful experiences. Its been a hell of a ride....stay tuned. You will want to be around for this.

❤Bessie Blount❤: "Fate"

❤Bessie Blount❤: "Fate": "Lost in my thoughts"   There Go GODS work again. How did he know I need that? You came to me when I was at the lowest point ...

Friday, March 15, 2013

Never Question God.

People always say you should never question God. But all my life I've been told if you don't understand something, especially after your research, it's okay to ask. So I wanted to ask you guys a question about something, a friend and I recently had. A conversation about--the "tests" God gives us and how it makes us, closer to him, more thankful for our existence, and his grace and mercy.

The question posed is, why does he need (not so much deserve-I understand why he deserves) so much praise, why is he a "jealous God". We are taught to do things because we want to do them out of love or necessity, not because we want the admiration and recognition. That seems to contradict that teaching. He created all this (the universe and all in it) so we would worship him and thank him for his grace and mercy. Does that not make you wonder what that's about? Or is it one of those things that you just accept and follow according.?

And I'm not trying to challenge the word of God. I'm asking genuinely.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

New Haircut!!!

Hello my lovelies. I got a new haircut. I went in for a trim. I am in NY right now, so it wouldn't be right if I didn't get a wash and set (Dominican blow out). In the middle of my blowout, I noticed my hair was looking lifeless so I opted for a layered cut to give me a refresher. I'm not sure how long my hair is. I may measure soon. To answer a few FAQs, yes my hair is still natural. I have no chemicals in my hair. I do wear cones when I wear my straight hair but only natural products on my curls. I posted some pics of my new hair cut. At first, I wasn't crazy about my new look because so much hair was cut (3-5 inches in different areas) but I started to like it more as time progressed.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Broooookkkk-lllllyn

I am leaving for New York tonight and I am so excited for numerous reasons.
  1. I am going home. (I never really have gotten home sick but I think I am just a wee bit, right now)
  2. I am going to New York
  3. I will see family and friends
  4. I need a break from all NC is offering right now
  5. I will always love my city
So, as you guys know I am following weight watchers program, and I pray I have the will power and the determination to turn away all the good food I am about to be exposed to; Rotis, Jerk and Curry everything, pizza, beef patties, rasta pasta (one of my favs), late night dinner food, loaded franks, and the list goes on, etc. I am going to ask my family and friends to help me to be as good as possible. So I will be gone five days and I am going to adore every moment. I will attempt to keep you guys updated with some of my appropriate fun. :-) 
 I miss Brooklyn more than you can ever imagine. My heart is there all the time. I have not been home, just to chill since I left to move back to NC in July of last year so this is going to be great!

XoXo


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Body Art Incentive

In the next few months I am going to making some major additions to my tattoos. I so excited about my ideas, and I am ready to see them on drawn out, and better yet, on my skin. I plan on getting one tattoo for each of my weight loss goal milestones. Currently I have three in mind, weight loss goals and tattoos. So my first one will be my 10 lb. weight loss. My second will be me reaching 10% of my weight loss journey and as I reach these goals and get the tattoos, you will be updated with pictures. Currently I have seven tats, and I can not wait to add more. If you have any words of encouragement, weight loss, workout, healthy cooking tips, please do share.

Love ya guys. Hope to have some updates and pictures soon.

Rewiring Your Negative Brain

Hey Guys, 

I know it has been a while since I have written BUT life has been a bit crazy but not in a negative way. For the most part there have been positive changes. I was given a small promotion at my job so my responsibilities have shifted, pay and stress has increased. I am very thankful though. I told you guys I was starting weight watchers, and indeed I did. I joined two weeks ago and lost 5 lbs. my first week. I was excited and very proud of myself. Now only 45 lbs to go...I am taking one step at a time though. I want to try to avoid becoming overwhelmed so I am setting smaller goals. My next big milestone will be a 10 lb lost. I will share this milestone because I know I will reach it. 
For those that are not aware, Weight Watchers is a weight loss program/lifestyle that encourages healthy eating habits, getting active, portion and hunger control. You can prepare your own meals and buy Weight Watchers pre-made meals, etc. Each week you attend your meeting and you weigh in, which really keeps YOU accountable for your weight loss. You feel so good when you get on the scale and the numbers are going down. Each week we have a different meeting topic, this week's meeting was about being negative about your weight loss. It was astounding how many of my fellow weight watchers thought negatively about their weight loss journey. Everything from, "I do not want to do this" to "this is a waste of time", and "I hate this part (weighing in)". I admit I also have been negative, saying "I will never reach my goal weight". Now honestly what kind of statement is that? How could I EVER reach my goal if I do not even believe, I mean really believe, in myself??? Self fulfilling prophecy is a real thing so, after years of human development, psychology courses, and experience I finally gave into the theory. So instead of saying "I will never reach my goal", I changed it up and said "this is the last time I will weigh this number!" I turned those negative thoughts to positivity. I refuse to foster anymore negativity.
 This also applies to the way I live my life. I recently found out some very disturbing information about someone I considered very close and highly respected. I thought the individual was a completely different person. Shame on me for my nativity. I was very hurt by these new discoveries. But instead of thinking about this revelation as a negative, I am appreciative of my new found clarity. I am thankful to know about your dishonesty and your unscrupulous behavior. 
If only I could have known sooner...oh well, life is all about learning and I have learned a huge lesson from you. I still wish you the best in everything you do, and we will remain friends. I just lost the respect that I had for you, and the love I had for you has diminished. Our friendship has always been something I have honored, but I realize, it was actually built on prevarication. It is still upsetting to me, so I know I still care but all the things you preached about "not holding the next one accountable for the last one and all men are not the same" are null and void. You dismantled your own theories. I am rewiring my brain though and instead of being angry, I will be blessed for the unveiled truth.

"sometimes you just outgrow people"
-a wise man


xoxo
Bambi

Friday, March 2, 2012

The Sanctity of Marriage and all that BS

So a conversation with a close and dear loved one prompted this post. I have also discussed this matter with my some of my closest girlfriends. I am not sure when marriage lost its sanctity, or if it ever had any but one thing is for sure, people no longer honor marriage as a monogamous bond between two people or have any problems walking away, when a marriage gets tough. I do not mean to be judgmental but I can not help it, at times, I am human. 


When I say "I do" to someone, I feel like I should be able to say they are the last person I want to be with for the rest of my life. The last person I want to wake up to, have sex with, have children and share life with. I do not even think that is a part of the proposal or acceptance deciding factors these days, and that makes me sad. I know many people who have felt pressured to marry, because "it's the right thing to do", or because there was no other choice in their current situations.


 I am no expert but I am pretty sure that is the fastest way to resentment lane with your partner. Marriage should ideally be because you can not imagine life without your partner.If there is any doubt that your heart is not in it or you are not ready to have sex and wake up to everyday, have children, etc with, you do not need to get married, yet. That does not mean you have to break it off with your significant other but be honest with yourself, it saves a shit load of hurt feelings, in the long run.


The same reason people aren't honest with themselves, I assume, is the same reason people walk away from their marriages so quickly. At least it appears to be with ease. It seems like no one fights for their relationships and marriages anymore. Now, by no means am I telling you to stay in something that is not good for you. I do not condone abuse,  lying, and cheating but people make mistakes. We were not designed with perfection in mind. Love is definitely not perfect, and marriage is no exception. Work through the hard shit guys. Act like it's worth it. 




xoxo
Bambi



Thursday, March 1, 2012

I am watching my weight!

GUESS WHAT GUYS?! I AM STARTING WEIGHT WATCHERS NEXT WEEKEND.
WE ALL HAVE SEEN THE JENNIFER HUDSON TRANSFORMATION (WHICH IS AMAZING) BUT BEFORE THEY HAD A FAMOUS FACE I TRIED WEIGHT WATCHERS AND I WAS FAIRLY SUCCESSFUL. 

I STOPPED BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS ABLE ENOUGH TO MAINTAIN. 


 I AM SO EXCITED. I AM SO READY TO GET RID OF THIS EXTRA WEIGHT (MENTAL & PHYSICAL).

I HAVE DECIDED I WILL SHARE SOME OF MY PROGRESS WITH YOU GUYS, I WILL SHARE LB. UPDATES & PICS WHEN I CAN.

What I would say (if I ever had the heart)...

How old am I ? You don't know, do you? Maybe that is because you have never recognized a birthday, sent a card, or taking me to the doctor.


You don't know me. You don't know what ice-cream flavor I like, or what size shoe I wear because you were never there. You complain of your mom not giving you enough affection (I guess that gives you the "pass" to be a shitty mom) because she was trying provide you shelter and food. Bitch


How do you think I feel? You're a junkie, whore, neglectful, desperate, and my irresponsible egg donor. Affection was the least of my complaints. How dare you utter those words. One would have to be dumb or high-that's what it is, you're high (as usual); you think you sound like you make sense. I am disgusted when I think about your desperation and how you included me in it. 


I hate when you try to act like you're responsible for my achievements, introduce me to your friends, and show me around like a trophy- you had nothing to do with me going to college, my life decisions, and life lessons. I did all this through grace, faith, and my strength. 


Well maybe some life lessons. You taught me early what it is to feel pain. 




You made me hate you.  I don't hate.




*takes deep breath and continues*





Saturday, February 25, 2012

diary of an |cheated| insecure girl.

.today.

I know he is cheating with Lauren but I love him. I just do not want everyone to know. I hate when he embarrasses me and I look stupid in front of all our friends. I hate sitting up all night worried if he's coming home. I hate the texts, DM/FB messages from his other girls. I've lost, gained weight, sleep, and a part of me. I stay stressed. I think I am gonna accept that date and go out with [insert name here]. I deserve some attention too. I need some intimate male interaction. He might try something...at this point I cant even say I wouldn't let him. O know that is terrible but I'm fed up with being second.

diary of an insecure woman

Feb Twenty-1/5

All I want is some attention. I want to feel like I am the only girl in the world and that is definitely to much of a task for you. I always feel like I am competition with my past, preset, future. Maybe the problem is I gave up my destiny for practicality? We hardly agree and have little in common. I know I am young, I have my career, and whole life but I can not help but sit and wonder will I ever be someone's wife? I feel like my insecurities will keep me on the shelf forever. I have got to change. I want to be a better woman.

[diary of an insecure girl] DISCLAIMER & a message to my readers

Hey guys!

Hope you all are enjoying you Saturday afternoon. I relaxing, in between washing clothes, and watching movies. I woke up bright and early this morning, and cleaned the house. Off that though. I wanted to give you guys a little love!!!!!

I appreciate my readers so much, you guys keep going. My friend that read, give me hope. People who tune in randomly, and continue to read, make me feeling amazing. You wonderful beautiful people are all a part of my love, and I want to say...thank you. 


DISCLAIMER: Many of my writings are literal and many are creative.
 My 'diary of an insecure girl' series is inspired by friends, family, strangers, and even my own feelings and experiences.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you all for your support!
You may be able to tell, that I am really ready for the spring. Hugs & Kisses

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