The Vulnerable

I had a few thoughts I would like to share with you. I write my feelings often but I don't publish. I'm deviating from that today. So here goes...


The Vulnerable

On a day to day basis, I deal with demons. I fight to stay motivated, I laugh to keep from crying. I yell to muffle my fears, I find myself smiling to camouflage the true feelings, when I am alone. Sometimes I wonder why God chose me to take on this life, these pains, these years. I know you shouldn't second guess his work because he makes no mistakes but sometimes I can't help but think maybe I was the exception? My life has never been easy and I know this seems like a contradiction but I cant imagine life without its dirt and grim. I do wonder when will I be free??? I mean really free. Haunted because of your actions; the abandonment, dishonesty, crack pipes, burnt spoons, dirty needles, prostitution, abuse, promises, misguidance and mistreatment. Being nobody's daughter conjured a callous insecurity I was never aware of. Behind these brown eyes and capricious smile lies me, stripped. The truth is all I ever wanted was you to get your shit together. I now accept I was a bartering tool to get your fix. I sell myself short by letting the past drive my present, and so the present becomes the past quickly because I never embrace it. I never live in it. My struggle has been arduous but I think about the man or woman who has it 100x worse than me, and my jagged pill becomes a bit easier to swallow. I desire to break a dangerous cycle. Im planning my expungement from garbage. I look forward to a bright, successful, pity free me. Until then I will just play these cards with the best strategy that I know.

K.E.N ©

SEX (Mature Readers Only)

Hey Guys!

Today's post is about one of my favorite topics, sex! I am not going to go over board with it, do not worry. I know some people are less sexual than others and that is cool but regardless what your libido is you still needs to aim to please. You do not have to be a "freak" but you need to try to meet your partner half way. No one wants lazy or boring sex, trust me. I know I want someone who is going to make me remember, well after the sex is over, what it was like. I love heavy breathing, hot bodies, tussling, steamy, and wet sessions. All women are different, we all DO NOT like the same things. That is the first thing you need to know. Just because your last partner loved that thing you did with your tongue and her vaginal opening, does not mean the next girl will enjoy it. So pay attention, no one is going to stone you for not knowing, but do not keep doing the same tired shit over and over, watch how she responds to your touch, tongue, and kiss. This is for everyone, women and men. Figure out what YOUR partner needs to get where they need to be. That is part of the journey when you are with someone. It is awesome when one does not have to do an excessive amount of "research" to figure out what their partner needs but if you do have to do the research, just do it, its worth it.

It does not hurt to do something romantic every once in a while. Most people are down with some hardcore, solid sex on an average day. We all have busy schedules and demanding lives, and sometimes you just need to get in a (quick) orgasm/ or to "bust a nut". But every now and then get sexy for them. Light some candles, run a bubble bath, grab some beautiful flowers, make dinner or take them to dinner, or a opt for a full day outing (just you and them)- no distractions, go away for the day, some wine or your favorite spirit, a sexy get up, throw on some sexy tunes (if you like music), an irresistible undergarment, some sexy pumps, or keep it simple and wear nothing. If you aren't afraid of getting a little messy, utilize some whipped cream, cherries, chocolate syrup;  make a human sundae, and enjoy.  Be creative. ;-)

STOP being selfish. I am a pleaser so I love to see my partner satisfied. I have had orgasms from my partners obvious satisfaction. I promise it is possible. I understand if you are not totally comfortable with this and that is okay but try it, you might like it. Oral sex is not just foreplay. It will not kill you to perform until the curtains close. lol. What are you afraid of? Adults shouldn't be nervous about sexual adventure. Just do it, like NIKE (are you seeing a pattern with this phrase? lol). Now, I am not telling you to go putting your mouth on anything BUT do not be a prude in the bedroom. If you do not feel like you are good at "it", how will you improve unless you have practice? I am going call out the men on this one, do not be acting shy when it is time to eat the box. Seriously, don't be acting afraid or like you can not do it. It is only a big deal, when you make it one. Where is the logic in that? I am not even going to go into the spit and swallow debate. Because some of you guys are not ready for that just yet.

In my opinion every woman should own a sex toy. I have vibrators, bullets, and dildos in my collection. My personal favorite is the bullet mainly because I love clitoral stimulation. Self pleasure is a important part of knowing your body. If you do not know what to do yourself, how could you EVER guide someone else or how could you expect someone else to? I know some women are embarrassed by masturbation and other women say they do not get any pleasure from masturbation.

Let me tell you, you are not doing something right, because their is much pleasure and satisfaction in learning about yourself. There are to many women who have never had an orgasm. That shit is CRAZY!!! We need you ladies cumming. So if you do not masturbate for whatever reason, you've never done it, or you are against doing something out of the norm because you prefer being conservative please make an exception and try something new because what you are doing, isn't working. 

To go a bit further do not be afraid of bringing toys in the bedroom with your partner. They are wonderful at breaking the monotony. No one is asking you to change your routine overnight, just try something new. Talk to them and see what they think about the idea. I know many men are intimidated by toys but there is nothing to fear. If it is pleasing your woman, why not? You should be intimated by the next guy trying to do everything to her, you will not (and that is real).

Ladies and gentleman, life easily creates rifts and keeps us exhausted but there needs to be time made for intimacy and your partners emotional and sexual needs (you can often kill both birds with one stone). In no way do I condone cheating but the #1 reason people look outside their relationship is because they want to quench a sexual desire. Sometimes it is emotional of course but most of the time it is simply due to lack of sexual fulfillment. Get.With.The.Program. It is nothing wrong with spicing up your sex life with a threesome, trying a new position, or visiting to the strip club with your partner. Keep them interested. Love can only take you so far. No matter if you want to admit it or not, good sex is critical in a healthy relationship. Maybe not the most important element but it matters. 

Last but not least, I am tired of women blaming men for their short "cummings". It is just as much as a women's responsibility as it is your partner's (man or woman). Just because you are a woman does not mean you are satisfying him, because you have a vagina does not automatically mean you got the best sh*t ever. You may be surprised to find this out but guys fake orgasms too, ladies. You are probably saying "how in the hell can a guy physically fake a nut?" Plenty of my male friends have told me about times when they have faked to get sex over with because it was that boring, bad, or/and uncomfortable. Men deserve quality sex too. When you lay down with that man, make sure you give him 110%. This goes back to figuring out what your partner likes, needs, and wants. Once you figure that out, you can master it, and pleasing them will not be an issue. All and all, do not forget to have fun!

Remember

practice safe sex. 

xoxo, B

When does flirting go to far?

Hey guys! Most would say flirting is harmless and it's an innocent act, in most situations I would agree with that.

Usually people flirt because it is a way to show their interest in another person. But some people say that their "flirting" is often confused with mere kindness.

So when does "being nice/kind" become flirting?
Is it okay for your partner to flirt in front of you? Excessive laughing, hugging, touching, giggling, joking, compliments with someone other than your girl/guy may not be acceptable. But I think everyone flirts, and it's ok. You just don't want to flirt "to much"

I guess to answer most of these questions we would have to figure out what is the purpose of the flirting, and that is the million dollar question.

Be your own Pygmalion: Create your reality

When you find that one who you feel has been created just for you, you're so lucky. If your familiar with the Greek myth Pygmalion you know exactly what I'm talking about; the perfect mate.

Story of Pygmalion:
There are many versions but I will refer to Ovid's version for all intents and purposes. Pygmalion was a sculptor who sculpted a woman out of ivory. He had become very disgusted with the women of Cyprus (daughters of Propoetus) because of their behavior. They were forced to prostitute themselves by the Venus (the Roman goddess also known as Aphrodite) for not worshipping her properly. Pygmalion had decided he was not interested in these women. He sculpted his statue so realistically, beautifully, with so much affection, and love that he fell in love with his creation. Soon it was Aphrodite's/Venus's (the Greek goddess of love, pleasure, procreation, and beauty) festival, Pygmalion made offerings to Venus's temple and secretly prayed to make his ivory creation a real woman. When he went home, he kissed and touched the breast of his statue. She was no longer hard. She was soft, warm, and ALIVE!!! Venus had answered his prayers. The statue is referred to as Galatea in many writings. Pygmalion married Galatea with Venus's permission. They bore a child, and lived in bliss.

To me this Greek myth represents the ideology that one can create their own reality. Don't accept mediocrity or partial happiness. There are few things you have total control over in everyday life and they consist of what you will allow, what you will tolerate, demand, accept, and embrace when it comes to your partner/mate. Own your inner Pygmalion!

That's what it means to meet you soul mate. Someone who isn't perfect by definition but is you're perfection because they mesh with your imperfections and total being perfectly. The person, that completes you and makes you feel whole. That missing puzzle piece kind of love. When it's good to, and for you! Some "love" can be good to you and so bad for you but when you get good loving and it's improving your mental, spiritual, and emotional being...thats intrinsically (valuable) good love.

I think so often in our lives we force relationships when they're not meant to be. Some people are put in your life to teach us life lessons but we often try to keep them around after the lesson is learned which of course ends in pain and horror! I know I have! But when two people aren't equally yolked it will never work! Pygmalion, although extremely literal, created his soulmate and you can create your expectations based on what you deserve and desire. You will be astounded what you're perseverance for your "perfect love" will bring.

I'm a living testimony. I'm just sharing this based on what I've experienced and based on others experiences.

But what do I know...
Have a wonderful day beautiful people.
Seize the Day!!!!!!
Peace. :)

Welcome Baby Blue

I know this is a little late but I had to wait for all the hoopla to die down. On January 7th, 2012 Beyonce and JAY-Z welcomed their baby girl, Blue Ivy Carter into the world. The couple may have chose the name Blue because of Jay-Z's Blueprint albums and Ivy because of the roman number 4 (IV). Beyonce has a love of the number four, which is her birthday (Sept. 4), her husband's birthday (Dec. 4), her marriage (Apr. 4), her mother's birthday (Jan. 4), and of course it was he title of last studio album. These are just inferences, Jay nor Beyonce have not made a public statement about the meaning behind their daughters name.

They couldn't seem anymore pleased for the new addition to their dynasty. Despite the many nasty rumors and things said, Beyonce and Jay are elated about their bundle of joy. It has been said that they are even moving out of their Tribeca apartment in NYC to a mansion in Scarsdale, NY (a suburb outside the city) but they will still keep their apartment. Jay-Z did not waste any time to record a song, depicting his happiness for his baby girl, Blue. The track was entitled, Glory (which also may be a tribute to his mother, Gloria Carter) and it was a very personal song about their previous pregnancy and miscarriage, and the conception of baby Blue. he even included a snippet of his baby's cry. It is a cute song. Jay's vulnerability allows us to see just how happy Jay is to be a dad! Baby Carter has had more fame in her first hour on this Earth than most people will have in their lifetime! It will be interesting to see what the future holds for her and their family. So congratulations to the Carter's for their healthy baby girl.

Next question, when can we expect her to go on a world tour?! There is no word yet but all of the Beyonce fans (stans) are highly anticipating this tour. I hope it will be no later than the late summer, early fall. We can only hope! We know when Momma Be' does return she will be back with vengeance. We hope she means what she said in her song, GIRLS  (Run the World) literally, LOL ;)

"...How we're smart enough to make these millions
Strong enough to bare the children
Then get back to business..."

 Ultimately, one of the world's power couples has created an icon.

"...A younger, smarter, faster me
So a pinch of Hov, a whole glass of Be'...my greatest creation was you..."

Have a fantastic day my loves!

Happy Birthday MLK !!! A letter to myself (and you too).

Dear Bambi,

In lieu of Dr. Martin Luther King's birthday, I will take a moment to acknowledge ALL the great African American men and women who have suffered and fought for all my rights to be an educated African American female, with the privilege to vote, and the right to take advantage of my U.S Bill of Rights, Constitution, and the same public establishments as anyone else. THANK YOU.

Many take these rights for granted but you should, at the very least, take a moment and pay homage to the NUMEROUS lives lost for these supreme rights. Many of us could not even fathom fighting and dying for something we feel like our people, as a whole deserve, let alone working together to achieve common goals. You are truly blessed for those that came before us. You should be proud of your people! You come from a people who sat when told they had to move, who marched when they were ordered to be still and docile, and who spoke when expected to be silent. You come from men and women who armed themselves to protect their communities because they knew their rights, from people who built this nation (literally and figuratively), and tenacious women and men whose blood has been spilled all over this nation. So behave accordingly...you have rich history and you can walk with your head held high but remain humble because you still have history to make and your grandchildren need a future that is more promising than taking instruction from a rapper named 2 Chainz. My (For many of us, our) parents were the first generation that weren't forced/required to be domestics or work for Caucasians. They worked hard so we could have futures. So we can celebrate days like today for the many accomplishments of our famous and unknown heroes (i.e Nana, granddad, auntie, Mr. Williams from down the street, etc) thus far.You still have work to do. Happy Birthday Martin Luther King and thank you for all you diligence is fighting for my racial equality!

Sincerely, Bambi

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr

Do the Math: A poem written for me in a time of darkness by Debrita Callaway

Do the Math

1,825…
That’s how many times I told you I loved you,
If you take the five years we’ve been together
And times that by the 365 days in the year
Give or take a couple “I-love-you’s”
I-love-you times 1,825 is about the approximation
Of how long I’ve been with you,
From high school, to college,
I’ve paid homage
To you and this fuckin garbage…
Yea, I said garbage,
Cuz apparently I picked up a heap-a-fuckin trash,
I’m sick of it…
After 1 night of loosing my virginity to you,
2 break ups,
5 pregnancy scares,
20 concerts,
49 movie dates,
141 restaurant meals,
315 hours of sex,
$937 dollars in gifts for you,
AND ONE THOUSAND, EIGHT HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE I-LOVE-YOU’S,
You reward me with one “I just don’t love you anymore?”
-You just don’t love me anymore?
How DARE you dismiss our history with that one phrase said?
What the fuck did I do to be erased from your head?
What the fuck am I supposed to do when your half is dead,
And mine is still alive, trying to survive for the both of us…

I should have punched you in your face those 130 times I felt like it,
I should have cheated on you those 17 times I had the opportunity,
I should have left your ass there those 4 times you had to go to the hospital,
But I didn’t,
Because for 5 years, I’ve loved you every single day,
And no matter WHAT happened, my heart went your way,
Now for you to come at me saying, you just don’t feel the same,
Makes me think you’re insane for making our love life into a game…
I feel like behaving out of my name… but I’m not going to be vengeful,
I could stomp your face in,
But I feel that’s too simple…
So I’ll attempt to erase you from my life like you erased me from yours,
Cuz when someone else breaks your heart, you’ll remember
Why I was your core…
And you’ll say “Damn, I remember when love treated me kind
Those 1,824 times..."

F ck Child Support!!!

In the United States child support is payment made by a parent (mother or father) for maintenance of a child. By law a parent is often ordered to pay this. Although men are granted child support payment and I'm sure there are some who do take advantage of it, this post is about the many women, I know,who abuse the system. There are so many who use their children's support money to live, themselves which I don't condone. Im not gonna sugar coat it, I think it's BS that so many dads have to pay these women, as they are abusing the money. The requirement of child support payment isn't what disappoints me, it's the women who use their children's money to buy their boyfriend's/husband's shit, buying themselves clothes and shoes, getting their hair, nails, and feet done, etc. It burns me up! It's horrible, especially when the children are not being fully provided for. These men are expected to pay an arm and a leg for their children and often times end up dishing out extra money after they've paid their dollar amount child support,when they have there children. It's just not fair.
Then, of course if the men complain about the excess money they are spending its socially unacceptable. It's more principle than anything else. It's just not fair in my eyes. A person should not have to pay $500/ mo. for a preteen, and still be expected to dish out money when they have there child for visitation and when their child visits. I mean you think about your salary, imagine $500 (that is more than some people pay in rent) was coming out of your check each month and you were still expected to spend more money, you wouldn't be to thrilled either. It's not about not wanting to do for your child, it's more about how the system allows women to manipulate it.
If only we could create some kind of debit card system similar to EBT (electronic benefit transfer) which only allows purchase of unprepared food. A debit card, the "child payment debit card" would allow the parent receiving the child support to be able to use their card for registered bill payment (you would have to register your household which would eliminate paying bills where the child is not living ), clothes, and shoes in the size of the child/children (anytime the child's sizes change, their parent would be required to get that information updated) in a national database, and food. Anything not registered or entered in this database would not be an approved purchase. This would prevent parents from abusing their child support money and using it for themselves. It would truly benefit the child if this was done. Although extremely far fetched, the point I'm making is we need to get our communities together and do the right things.
Now let's address the fact that we shouldn't even have to depend on the legal system to determine how much support our children need. In the same breath it saddens me because I know we need the court system, without it, many children wouldn't have one of their parent's support, as sad as that is. So, there's no way we could do without the legal intervention right now. It's just really important that parents use their child's support money responsibly.

A thought provoking question: If I child has everything he/she needs, why does anyone have to pay anything?

Fuck Child Support & public policy for that matter!

As a woman, if you're reading this and you can't understand where I'm coming from, imagine you marry a man who has a child from a previous relationship or marriage and $500-600 is taken out of your household each month and given to another household YET your stepchild always needs and/or comes and stays with your husband and you on the weekends and you still have to feed, entertain, and provide for the child every weekend in addition to what you're paying monthly. Is it okay, now? Just think about it...

Super Shout out to the Mommys and Daddys who take care of the kids (with and) without the judicial system! Even though you should be doing what you do for your child, praise is still In order. Peace

-B

What is love? Breaking it down..

Love is such an over used sentiment . That's what this post is focused on, among other things. Either people are saying "I love you" with out any genuine meaning or saying it just to get what they want, or simply because they think it's what you want to hear. Whatever the reasons, they often aren't the right ones.
So, let's first break down this thing called LOVE. What the heck is it? I mean what does it even mean? At its most basic platform it's an emotion. Its a noun or verb. It is a emotion of strong affection, caring, and, admiration. All these adjectives break down the WORD love. I don't really think that's where the disconnect lies with most of us. I believe the disconnect is within the description of love and the inconsistency of the actions of those who "love" us.
What I've been taught growing up is if you love someone you stand beside them in darkness and in light, you love them even when you HATE their actions, you should be able to be honest with those you love at all times, you should love unselfishly, and you should always be loyal and faithful to your love. What I've learned from experience is all this is true but also should apply when loving yourself and ultimately if you're not doing all the prior for yourself, you've already lost. Let me share a quick story. A few years ago I thought I was in love with this guy. By definition, I loved him "to tee". I was unselfish in every way to him but I didn't honor myself the way I honored him because I didn't give myself any of the love I was so good at giving, so of course he did not see the value in me. At the demise of our relationship (after finally letting it go, after forcing shit) I was drained, used up, and almost lost my ambition. I never want to feel like that again. So each day I remind myself that not only do I deserve deep self love but I would not ever allow myself to be toyed with again. Don't feel guilty for loving yourself.
So how do you know if you're loving yourself enough? If you're questioning whether you are, you aren't loving yourself hard enough. You're always second, even in your own life, and that's not ok. It's not easy to address though because it means admitting you need work as well, not just your partner. Now how important love is in partnership is completely up to you. If you can live life everyday knowing love is not as important as another element of your relationship then that's fine. Whatever works for you is what's important. Don't use other's lifestyles as a model for your needs. I'm no relationship expert but I know thats not a foul proof system. Fairy tales aren't real and I would prefer the real love over fairy love any day. Although fairy love would probably be AMAZING (lol). Seriously though. Everything that looks good isn't, simply stated. So don't covet what someone else has. It may be more fucked up than what you're working though/dealing with.

Relationships are work but it's not a job. If you ever feel like your relationship is a job, evaluation is needed. You may be working alone. It is true that people who love each other do hurt each other sometimes. At times it's just a hurtful word which can be easily adjusted or talked about and sometimes it can be more painful like not having any desire to be intimate, dishonesty, and cheating. You can definitely work through the small and larger issues but always remember to do this mending for you and your partner not to protect your image in other's eyes. Don't live in misery to "put on face" or just because you fear being alone. I say all these things because I've had personal experiences not because I'm above it. No one is to blame for mistakes, failures, and shortcomings unless you keep repeating the same ones.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?????
Marriage is a beautiful and sacred union of two people who share love :-) Notice I said it needs to be shared. Both parties, hearts,minds, and souls should be 100% committed into a life decision like marriage. If there are any doubts, there needs to be a discussion and/or counseling. Counseling probably should be mandatory during the engagement anyway.
Now, I'm sure everyone is familiar with the idiom "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Well, in my opinion, there's a few reasons. Free shit usually isn't AS good as purchased goods, who knows how long that "free" resource will be free or be available to you. In addition to that, if you invest in the cow you're more likely to make sure that cow is cared for appropriately which means you're pretty much guaranteed good quality "milk".

Before I go, I wanna speak to all the amazing men and women out there! The parents (single & married) holding down there families, children, and taking care of their responsibilities. The respectable, good men who feel like they always finish last because they aren't dogging women. The women who don't give all of themselves to get attention...you will be rewarded for your diligence. Trust me someone's paying attention to your actions ;-)
Don't be discouraged if you feel like your King or Queen is taking a little longer than you've anticipated. They may have been stopped on the course to you for a little more perfecting, tweaking, and practice. Or you may be being tweaked and perfected for them! Lets perfect that self love first.

Sincerely, B

Random Ramblings...

How do people believe all these things about the "illuminati". I do not understand how others can say all these people,like Beyonce and Jay-Z being devil worshippers, and their new baby being the spawn of the devil. Even more ridiculous that her name, Blue Ivy means Lucifers daughters name backwards in Latin. Utterly ridiculous. All the carriers of this "gospel" tell me about information and stories that have been regurgitated on the world wide web. I have to find a resource that came from a physical publication of reliable stature (I.e a book that has existed for at least a decade omitting any holy texts-because that can be debatable). I need a primary source. Secondary sources are good but we all need to be able to/ at least have the right to read a primary source. The reason that rumor of Blue Ivy's name backwards in Latin is outrageous is because Lucifer never had a daughter. He was a fallen angel and that was one of the repercussions of his disobedience, he wouldn't be able to procreate. I'm not going to talk about this the whole post but the point is go do your own research! YouTube videos, DVDs, secondary articles (including my post) are not reliable enough sources.

A few weeks ago I saw someone on a social network calling themselves a mulatto. I was shocked! I'm a biracial woman and I was offended that they called themselves this. Mainly becaus do was I was disturbed and upset that they clearly aren't aware of the history behind words such as mulatto, quadroon, and octoroon to name just a few categorizing. The word mulatto. was derived from the word mule, which is the offspring of a horse and donkey who often can not produce offspring b. . I just don't think it's a nice thing to call someone or yourself. But what do I know. To each his own, right?

At the current moment, I am in the most of a family death. Although death is never easy it is always very hard when the deceased was a unconditionally loving,fair,honest,loyal,and dedicated person. There's no easy way to say bye. Although there is relief for there ceased suffering, it's a piece that is still empty. I tweeted twice I will attach my tweets) about my cousin's passing on Monday. R.I.P Lillie M. Daniels Peele; one of the most wonderful people Ive been fortunate enough to know. She is truly in a more peaceful place.

On a lighter note, next week this time I will be headed home for the first time since I left back in July. Can't wait. I miss NY! Def will be talking abt that soon.

Oh, I also want to share two new loves. My newest lipgloss NARS Super Orgasm lipgloss💄and my purple short Bailey button Uggs 💜 The silly pic of me is with my very loved lipgloss.

That is all for now loves!!!!
-B

Debt Debt Debt. Habits.

From my experiences on this earth financial success is greatly affected by parents providing good examples for their children. Encouraging good financial habits goes such a long way. I didn't have that but I have friends whose parents have instilled wonderful monet handling habits and my friends who had that are so good with money. Let me let you in a little deeper into what I mean. I didn't really see my mom paying bills in a timely fashion so it's been something I've had to learn myself and honestly it's been a struggle. Property/car taxes, car maintenance, and bills. On the contrary, I learned responsibility early, I was paying bills with my mom and rent when I was 15. Even so, the budgeting piece was missing.
Now let me give you the parallel upbringing: a girl who was raised by parents who took pride in their bills being paid EARLY, and necessities being taken care of before satisfying any "wants". My friends family would be considered a middle class family but they are definitely (high) middle class family. They maintain their lifestyle very well and my friend, even though she is a student, is very comfortable and no where near struggling while still doing her shopping and normal spending. I say all this to say, its time to break bad habits and get it together!!!!