.today.
I know he is cheating with Lauren but I love him. I just do not want everyone to know. I hate when he embarrasses me and I look stupid in front of all our friends. I hate sitting up all night worried if he's coming home. I hate the texts, DM/FB messages from his other girls. I've lost, gained weight, sleep, and a part of me. I stay stressed. I think I am gonna accept that date and go out with [insert name here]. I deserve some attention too. I need some intimate male interaction. He might try something...at this point I cant even say I wouldn't let him. O know that is terrible but I'm fed up with being second.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
diary of an insecure woman
Feb Twenty-1/5
All I want is some attention. I want to feel like I am the only girl in the world and that is definitely to much of a task for you. I always feel like I am competition with my past, preset, future. Maybe the problem is I gave up my destiny for practicality? We hardly agree and have little in common. I know I am young, I have my career, and whole life but I can not help but sit and wonder will I ever be someone's wife? I feel like my insecurities will keep me on the shelf forever. I have got to change. I want to be a better woman.
All I want is some attention. I want to feel like I am the only girl in the world and that is definitely to much of a task for you. I always feel like I am competition with my past, preset, future. Maybe the problem is I gave up my destiny for practicality? We hardly agree and have little in common. I know I am young, I have my career, and whole life but I can not help but sit and wonder will I ever be someone's wife? I feel like my insecurities will keep me on the shelf forever. I have got to change. I want to be a better woman.
[diary of an insecure girl] DISCLAIMER & a message to my readers
Hey guys!
Hope you all are enjoying you Saturday afternoon. I relaxing, in between washing clothes, and watching movies. I woke up bright and early this morning, and cleaned the house. Off that though. I wanted to give you guys a little love!!!!!
I appreciate my readers so much, you guys keep going. My friend that read, give me hope. People who tune in randomly, and continue to read, make me feeling amazing. You wonderful beautiful people are all a part of my love, and I want to say...thank you.
DISCLAIMER: Many of my writings are literal and many are creative.
My 'diary of an insecure girl' series is inspired by friends, family, strangers, and even my own feelings and experiences.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you all for your support!
You may be able to tell, that I am really ready for the spring. Hugs & Kisses
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Thursday, February 23, 2012
Update: Galaxy Thirst!!!
So, this was the funniest, scariest, craziest shit, I've ever experienced. We pull up to the mall 11:03 pm and the mall parking lot is a zoo. At this point the police had the line taped off and were containing the crowd to the back of the mall. Mind you there were at least 2,000 people behind the yellow tape amidst the 200+ random wondering people in the parking lot, hiding behind, under, and in cars to avoid having to get in the long line. 11:45 pm and all you can hear is yelling and all of a sudden I see everyone running towards the door. I yelled to Brandon "run!!!" and that's what he did. There were at least 3 more incidents just like this, that followed. The crowd bum rushed the doors and almost pried the doors open. At this moment I'm was at arm's distance away from the door. Then I felt my face burning, I had been pepper sprayed! I was choking and everything! Brandon and I were split up and he got inside the mall somehow. Just when he called me to tell me the line inside the mall is ridiculous, the head of mall security was telling me they were going to shut the release down, until further notice, and police were instructing everyone to leave the property. He claimed, that they would do a lottery instead of a store release and for us to look in the newspaper for details. We weren't just going to leave though. We had word from the store manager that not only had he not heard anything from Nike about canceling, he still planned to be there at 7 am to sell the foams,and to stay put. Listen, we knew the shoe was still releasing and we were damn sure going to try to get it. I need an official cancelation. Lol. Around 2:15 am I was reading updates of stores that have canceled today's releases. Of course the updates didn't mention NC. They were referring to some MD, CA, and FL locations.
So we started looking for other hiding
spots. We moved around to the front of the mall, at first no one was there buy then to many people started migrating that way so the police eventually caught on and asked us to leave. Then we moved to a gas station parking lot, which was good but there were to many people in that small confined area, for my comfort. Next, we thought about the McDonald's behind the mall. We got there, it was packed too. We then moved to this desolate, with a good view, fenced area- that clearly posted DO NOT ENTER ( private property), the cops were on their way in, so we expeditiously got the heck out of there and parked in our normal spot. That's when I got the official text about the cancellation. The store was sending all the releases back.
It's 3:45 am. Just got the confirmation from, my friend, a store employee letting me know the release was canceled. Time to head home. My last words were...
"Oh, so we can't get no all star joints either "
All in all, it was fun. Even though we didn't get the shoes.
Releases were canceled all over the nation in safety precautions.
There was actually an incident in Orlando where shots were allegedly, fired in the air. So that was release was immediately shut down.
Lata loves!
InterGALACTIC Fantasty
Happy Thursday! The highly anticipated Nike Foamposite, Galaxy shoe has been a highlight of many sneaker lover's conversations the whole month of February and, definitely, this week, with the release tomorrow. There has been extreme speculation of how many pairs of these GALAXY FOAMPOSITES our favorite shoe stores are getting but nothing has been officially confirmed (of course Nike is not going to spill the beans)! I have said this before, but Nike has been ruthless on pockets this month. It is hard to find a sneaker lover who will disagree that this shoe is hot. I like the outer space top but I love the glow in the dark sole. I have gone back in forth trying to decide if I wanted to go attempt this release, and finally I have decided I will go. Currently, at 4 pm hour all malls and stand alone stores that have these highly demanded kicks are experiencing extremely high traffic. I am in Raleigh NC now and there are people from Virgina, D.C, Maryland, and South Carolina waiting for these shoes. Which means people have traveled hours to have the chance to cop these shoes. The keyword in that sentence is chance.
These shoes are almost impossible to purchase, aside from the long lines and people camping out for days. Limited pairs have been produced and Nike is not pre-selling. I understand the point of exclusive shoes but this is getting a little out of hand. Creating exclusive releases keeps a brand relevant. The mystery number is somewhere between 600 and 650. You may be able to cop your pair for $2500 or more from a reseller if you really want them. That is why I say it's an intergalactic fantasy, because they are SO unattainable but we all will still try.
There will be hundreds of people walking out of malls all over the world between 7:30 and 8:00 am who will not have a pair, which brings me to my next thought. We all know that in the past there have been shoe releases that have been so anticipated and intense that they have led to riots and violence. No one is trying to get hurt over no shoes. The house of hoops, in my area, seems to be prepared for such incidents. They will have a swat team, city police, along with the current mall security present. If anyone decides they want to try to slip into line or "jump" the line, they will be escorted out the mall and will not be permitted to return. The mall of course has guidelines of when you can come on the property and if this regulation is violated more than twice, you will not be permitted to return and may have more on your hands then you bargained for. Let me break this down. Usually you can not be on mall property until 5 am, if you are there at 4 am and asked to leave and you return before 5 am, not only will you be removed from the property but you will arrested. Wow! We will see how organized it will be once we go out there.
To all those going out on a galaxy venture, please be safe and remember you are more valuable than any pair of shoes. Stay tuned for an update 8 AM Friday morning. I will be writing while in line, and will post in tomorrow morning.
*Muah*
Yours truly, B |
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
diary entry of an insecure girl (A series)
Thursday Feb 16th
Dear Chloe (Diary)
I'm going to call you Chloe because it feels weird addressing you as Diary. It makes me feel 12. Although naming you Chloe is probably just as weird. My logic in giving you a name is you're more like a friend I'm confiding in, rather than just a place to store my random thoughts. I don't even know if this is going to work for me, but whatever.
I'm always worried about him hurting me. I never want to feel that pain again. I've contemplated allowing him in because last time I let my guard down, I was attacked, and I didn't have any protection. I look through his phone, Facebook messages, twitter TL, and direct messages, because I fear losing him. I don't mean to upset him. I just need that reassurance, I need to know he's being true. I hate that part of me and I wish I could just stop these feelings but the truth is, I can't seem to keep the horrible jealous thoughts away. As soon as he goes out, I immediately assume he's going out to see someone else. He always keeps his phone on vibrate or silent and it makes me wonder, 'is that because he does not want me to hear him get a call or a message that might compromise us?' Sure, I could leave but that would just give the other women the upper hand and then they could just have him, which means I lose. Everyday I try not to compare him to the last one, who did me wrong, but how else do I learn from my past experiences? I don't wish to repeat the same mistakes. When I see the same suspect behavior in him and hear the same stories from him, it reminds me of my past because I've seen and heard it before.
A few dudes hit me on a regular asking "what's up" which is code for 'you still in a relationship with that guy?' or 'do you want to hook up?' I always say I'm happy with him. Im not happy and even though most would say I'm [in] secure, I hold him partially responsible because he doesn't give me the security and attention I desire. I don't feel like Im enough for him. So, maybe I will text one of these dudes back, maybe they will give me the attention I need? Of course it will not go beyond conversation. Plus it will give my boyfriend a little break, from my nagging. I know he hates when I nag him. This other guy seems like he would be a good friend. But I won't tell my boyfriend, I don't think he would understand.
Signed by an insecure girl.
Dear Chloe (Diary)
I'm going to call you Chloe because it feels weird addressing you as Diary. It makes me feel 12. Although naming you Chloe is probably just as weird. My logic in giving you a name is you're more like a friend I'm confiding in, rather than just a place to store my random thoughts. I don't even know if this is going to work for me, but whatever.
I'm always worried about him hurting me. I never want to feel that pain again. I've contemplated allowing him in because last time I let my guard down, I was attacked, and I didn't have any protection. I look through his phone, Facebook messages, twitter TL, and direct messages, because I fear losing him. I don't mean to upset him. I just need that reassurance, I need to know he's being true. I hate that part of me and I wish I could just stop these feelings but the truth is, I can't seem to keep the horrible jealous thoughts away. As soon as he goes out, I immediately assume he's going out to see someone else. He always keeps his phone on vibrate or silent and it makes me wonder, 'is that because he does not want me to hear him get a call or a message that might compromise us?' Sure, I could leave but that would just give the other women the upper hand and then they could just have him, which means I lose. Everyday I try not to compare him to the last one, who did me wrong, but how else do I learn from my past experiences? I don't wish to repeat the same mistakes. When I see the same suspect behavior in him and hear the same stories from him, it reminds me of my past because I've seen and heard it before.
A few dudes hit me on a regular asking "what's up" which is code for 'you still in a relationship with that guy?' or 'do you want to hook up?' I always say I'm happy with him. Im not happy and even though most would say I'm [in] secure, I hold him partially responsible because he doesn't give me the security and attention I desire. I don't feel like Im enough for him. So, maybe I will text one of these dudes back, maybe they will give me the attention I need? Of course it will not go beyond conversation. Plus it will give my boyfriend a little break, from my nagging. I know he hates when I nag him. This other guy seems like he would be a good friend. But I won't tell my boyfriend, I don't think he would understand.
Signed by an insecure girl.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
We Will Always Love You, Whitney
I am currently in Charlotte NC. The tears are flowing as I write this but I wanted to share my admiration of Ms. Whitney Houston. My love for her music, her beauty, resilience, and resistance. Last night I was leaving the Bobcat/Clippers game, and my phone started to go crazy. Then I got the news via twitter and several text messages that, one of the greatest, of all time, had passed. Immediately my heart fell in my stomach. Sheena grabbed my hand and helped me gather myself. Yes, Whitney led a volatile lifestyle for several years and drugs did affect her angelic voice BUT that's still does not make the news of her death any easier. Drug use is a sensitive subject for me because it has definitely affected my life. Despite her drug use and struggle to redeem herself in the last few years, Whitney still leaves a more than amazing legacy with us. Im just blessed God allowed us to have her for some time, he shared his angel and allowed us to hear and enjoy an amazing voice! Whitney has won many awards for her stunning voice and acting, she's been recognized on numerous occasions. She crossed over to pop(ular) music and never compromised her sultry and soulful voice. Her vocal range was nothing short of outstanding. I used to say "Whitney can teach the alphabet", having the ability to jump from F to a (high) B. She was bad!
Reflections....
Whitney was the only singer to rearrange the national anthem from its normal 3:4 count add an extra beat per measure. I learned that when I was 12 years old! She was so talented and she understood and had her craft perfected!
Growing up, the Body Guard was my favorite movie. In fact, I think my mom still has a VCR with our VHS Body Guard stuck inside! LOL. That's how real it was. I would watch, rewind, watch. I always had to blow in my VCR and that VHS. She was truly an idol of mine. She is the reason I picked up a microphone to sing, the first performance I put on for my family was 'The Greatest Love Of All'. Imagine a 5 year old singing such a big ballad? But I did proudly, chest stuck out, and mouth wide open (just like Whitney's). That young, I was impacted by her voice.
Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston were my favorite musicians for years. My cousins and I would line our stuffed animals and dolls up on the bed, they were our audience, and sing Whitney and Michael into our hairbrushes. We had dances and everything. We had the best routine to "I'm Every Woman", You couldn't tell us we were not singers, if you tried :D
I can relate to struggling with demons, pressures, and unexplainable pains. I think many can relate and thats what made her a kindred spirit. Whitney has always been a giver. She's been an consistent donor for many causes! She was one of the first mainstream musicians to be an public advocate for HIV/AIDS. Whitney was also an icon in the LGBT community. Loved for her self love anthems, beautiful ballads, and upbeat dance hits, Whitney was a force to be reckoned with.
In conclusion, her death hurts but I'm going to try to think of the beauty within the misery. I don't know about you but that saxophone solo and her powerful voice in, one of her most popular songs, her version of country song "I Will Always Love You" has always given me chills. Who else but Mrs. Houston can sing, isolated- nothing but voice, on a published track for 45 seconds?
I've been listening to Whitney for over 20 years and I am deeply saddened by her sudden death. Maybe now, she can truly rest? As I close this post all that plays in my head is Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" and that's exactly what I intend to do. Rest In Peace, Whitney Houston (August 9, 1963-February 11, 2011)
Xoxo B
Reflections....
Whitney was the only singer to rearrange the national anthem from its normal 3:4 count add an extra beat per measure. I learned that when I was 12 years old! She was so talented and she understood and had her craft perfected!
Growing up, the Body Guard was my favorite movie. In fact, I think my mom still has a VCR with our VHS Body Guard stuck inside! LOL. That's how real it was. I would watch, rewind, watch. I always had to blow in my VCR and that VHS. She was truly an idol of mine. She is the reason I picked up a microphone to sing, the first performance I put on for my family was 'The Greatest Love Of All'. Imagine a 5 year old singing such a big ballad? But I did proudly, chest stuck out, and mouth wide open (just like Whitney's). That young, I was impacted by her voice.
Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston were my favorite musicians for years. My cousins and I would line our stuffed animals and dolls up on the bed, they were our audience, and sing Whitney and Michael into our hairbrushes. We had dances and everything. We had the best routine to "I'm Every Woman", You couldn't tell us we were not singers, if you tried :D
I can relate to struggling with demons, pressures, and unexplainable pains. I think many can relate and thats what made her a kindred spirit. Whitney has always been a giver. She's been an consistent donor for many causes! She was one of the first mainstream musicians to be an public advocate for HIV/AIDS. Whitney was also an icon in the LGBT community. Loved for her self love anthems, beautiful ballads, and upbeat dance hits, Whitney was a force to be reckoned with.
In conclusion, her death hurts but I'm going to try to think of the beauty within the misery. I don't know about you but that saxophone solo and her powerful voice in, one of her most popular songs, her version of country song "I Will Always Love You" has always given me chills. Who else but Mrs. Houston can sing, isolated- nothing but voice, on a published track for 45 seconds?
I've been listening to Whitney for over 20 years and I am deeply saddened by her sudden death. Maybe now, she can truly rest? As I close this post all that plays in my head is Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" and that's exactly what I intend to do. Rest In Peace, Whitney Houston (August 9, 1963-February 11, 2011)
Xoxo B
Thursday, February 9, 2012
I am a Martian : Foamposite One "Galazy"
Sex. Love. $
Sex, love, and money; the top three desires of the world's population. I want to talk about how money, sex, and love matter. I always say love is simple. You either love your partner or you don't. We make it complicated. The loves you had in the past can create complications in a present love. In addition to that theory, I do not believe love was intended to always feel good. If love always felt good, how could you truly appreciate it? There is love in pain, and beauty in the struggle. For example an anxious mother is having a baby. During her pregnancy she experienced pains (caused by her unborn child) but she continued to carry her child despite that pain mostly because of love. The delivery is hell, she feels like she could die from the excruciating pain she is feeling but as soon as she sees her baby's face all that pain will be converted to love.
With that being sad, one would think love could conquer all. I am not sure it can, by itself. Maybe if sex or money were not factors, then love would conquer all? The truth is, when all these factors are involved the answers to the equation can be very different and the math surpasses simple addition and subtraction. With money and sex you start to get into multiplication and division, if you know what I mean? Good sex can have you feeling 20X deeper in your emotions and feelings. While money will have you dividing assets, time, and "sharing out", and this is what makes love more complicated.
Money = Love
Some would say to have financial security is to have love. If your significant other provides everything you need and want, does that mean they love you? The answer is no! Just because someone is spending on you does not mean they truly love you. There are other aspects of love, other than financial support that need to be mastered before someone can just say they love you otherwise you woman or man, might as well just "leave the money on the nightstand" because you are flipping tricks. You are a transaction. Wake up and smell the coffee, you deserve more. The first believer must be yourself, though. There are some people who would disagree that money does not equal love, you are entitled to your opinion but I never want to live that life.
Sex over Money or Money over Sex ???
Would you put up with bad sex for money or tolerate horrible finances because the sex is the wonderful? Let's put this into perspective. Your partner has provided your home, you have cars, you're eating good, bills are on auto pay, money in the bank, you guys are taking 3 to 4 big vacations a year. All the money you earn is your money, your happy with your treatment, you guys enjoy each others time, and the sex is horrible. Can you tolerate the bad sex because all other avenues are perfect? How important is sex in a relationship? Would you sacrifice amazing sex for financial security?
Say What?
I am going to be honest, it would not work for me and I know I have probably contradicted myself at some point in another post, saying you need to compromise and stop searching for unattainable perfection but I do not care, bad sex in my book is not something that can be compromised. I will compromise if my partner wants to work on it or asks me how to please me more. I would want to be told if I needed work and further more would want someone to work with me. There are tons of traditional and nontraditional options to explore.If your partner can provides all your wants and that is enough that is great. I know women who say it is more than enough. If this is your situation and you make it work, kudos to you. I am in reverence of you. If you like it, I love it.
Great Sex: Bad Finances
The contrary to the previous situation is being with a bum who has bomb sex. Do I think it is okay? NO. Have I done it? YES. I am not proud to admit it but if I am going to write about it, I am going to keep it real. Sex has this way of clouding one's judgement and in my defense I was young and inexperienced. I like to think I have matured since then. Nevertheless, I was a fool "in love", all because of great sex. The sex was mind blowing. I mean that curl ya toes, wet sheets, hair pulling, tongue tied, back arched, tongue ticking, back to back sessions loving. It fucked up my head though. I found myself settling with someone who was not only not treating me the way I deserved but also who never had shit! I do not mind throwing you a couple dollars or paying a bill here and there. I am your woman, I am going to hold you down but no one should be paying another adults bills. If you are not married or sharing/splitting responsibilities, you should not just be paying your girl/boyfriend's bills. I was ignorant though. I eventually felt like I was paying for my relationship. My wake up call came when I started getting overdraft letters from my bank. 'Why am I getting overdraft letters when my account is supposed to have five figures just sitting there?' Oh, I knew I had to leave! If you are in a relationship like this. GET OUT !!! Unless you like being broke? It will not get better. That is my advice. That brings me to my next point...
Are you a sugar baby?
Who am I kidding, sex drives money in America. Only because we've given it its value, I'm referencing to money AND sex in this instance. Lol. So, this will never cease as long as the Federal Reserve continues to print because we have been conditioned to value and equate money and sex the way we do. "Ya'll dont wanna hear me ya just wanna [read]" Andre 3000. "Hey Ya." The Love Below. Laface Records, 2003. CD.
With that being sad, one would think love could conquer all. I am not sure it can, by itself. Maybe if sex or money were not factors, then love would conquer all? The truth is, when all these factors are involved the answers to the equation can be very different and the math surpasses simple addition and subtraction. With money and sex you start to get into multiplication and division, if you know what I mean? Good sex can have you feeling 20X deeper in your emotions and feelings. While money will have you dividing assets, time, and "sharing out", and this is what makes love more complicated.
Money = Love
 |
| For the love of $ |
Sex over Money or Money over Sex ???
Would you put up with bad sex for money or tolerate horrible finances because the sex is the wonderful? Let's put this into perspective. Your partner has provided your home, you have cars, you're eating good, bills are on auto pay, money in the bank, you guys are taking 3 to 4 big vacations a year. All the money you earn is your money, your happy with your treatment, you guys enjoy each others time, and the sex is horrible. Can you tolerate the bad sex because all other avenues are perfect? How important is sex in a relationship? Would you sacrifice amazing sex for financial security?
Say What?
I am going to be honest, it would not work for me and I know I have probably contradicted myself at some point in another post, saying you need to compromise and stop searching for unattainable perfection but I do not care, bad sex in my book is not something that can be compromised. I will compromise if my partner wants to work on it or asks me how to please me more. I would want to be told if I needed work and further more would want someone to work with me. There are tons of traditional and nontraditional options to explore.If your partner can provides all your wants and that is enough that is great. I know women who say it is more than enough. If this is your situation and you make it work, kudos to you. I am in reverence of you. If you like it, I love it.
Great Sex: Bad Finances
The contrary to the previous situation is being with a bum who has bomb sex. Do I think it is okay? NO. Have I done it? YES. I am not proud to admit it but if I am going to write about it, I am going to keep it real. Sex has this way of clouding one's judgement and in my defense I was young and inexperienced. I like to think I have matured since then. Nevertheless, I was a fool "in love", all because of great sex. The sex was mind blowing. I mean that curl ya toes, wet sheets, hair pulling, tongue tied, back arched, tongue ticking, back to back sessions loving. It fucked up my head though. I found myself settling with someone who was not only not treating me the way I deserved but also who never had shit! I do not mind throwing you a couple dollars or paying a bill here and there. I am your woman, I am going to hold you down but no one should be paying another adults bills. If you are not married or sharing/splitting responsibilities, you should not just be paying your girl/boyfriend's bills. I was ignorant though. I eventually felt like I was paying for my relationship. My wake up call came when I started getting overdraft letters from my bank. 'Why am I getting overdraft letters when my account is supposed to have five figures just sitting there?' Oh, I knew I had to leave! If you are in a relationship like this. GET OUT !!! Unless you like being broke? It will not get better. That is my advice. That brings me to my next point...
I was close to being someones sugar baby, I left because that is just not in my character. A sugar baby (a.k.a sugar mama or sugar daddy) are women or men who pay or buy to have the attention, time, affection, and love of their partner. Paying for love or spending money to attain "love" from your partner is ridiculous. On the other side of this spectrum, but still the same page, I think a person who wants companionship so badly that they are willing to pay for it in hopes of sex is not only desperate but disgusting. If you find yourself coming out of pocket all the time, you can not seem to get any response from your partner unless you are spending money on them, you might be a sugar baby. If they do not want to be bothered or don't want to be around when you are don't have or you aren't balling out of control, you might be a sugar baby. You will never be able to buy love. It's intrinsic value makes it impossible to afford. I know for a fact there are people who disagree but I rest my case.
 |
| "Ya'll dont wanna hear me, ya just wanna dance [read]" from Andre 3000's song Hey Ya |
Who am I kidding, sex drives money in America. Only because we've given it its value, I'm referencing to money AND sex in this instance. Lol. So, this will never cease as long as the Federal Reserve continues to print because we have been conditioned to value and equate money and sex the way we do. "Ya'll dont wanna hear me ya just wanna [read]" Andre 3000. "Hey Ya." The Love Below. Laface Records, 2003. CD.
Until Next Time.Peace.
As always, thank you for reading :)
Have a Great Day.
Bambi
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Bliss in 4:4
I slip into bliss
It's so comfortable here,
Home.
Comforted by the warmth
The sensation
Taught to be embarrassed
Of this feeling,
All that's on my mind,
is my saturated thighs.
The symphony begins,
Four quarter notes per measure.
Turn me up
In your mental.
Thoughts, cloudy with passion,
Ecstasy possesses me.
Your star potential arouses me.
Thinking if I gave you a chance,
If I gave you all the control.
If we made our own movie,
could you handle it?
Are you ready to be the leading role?
Imagination running wild
As my breathing pattern harmonizes with the strumming of my bliss.
High pitches and falsettos,
Echoing back,
In silence.
Do you hear the music?
My favorite composition,
Track,
Beat,
Sounds of bliss.
Laying in your tee shirt,
The scent intensifies my senses.
Slow roll, toe curls,
Legs shaking, lip trembling.
We're at the bridge,
Embracing it all.
I can't hold back,
Flushed kinetic energy,
Undisturbed beauty,
Lost in myself,
Octave rise,
Fermata follows,
Utopian explosion,
A crescendo.
This is Bliss in four four measure
Kaquana Bambi ;-)
It's so comfortable here,
Home.
Comforted by the warmth
The sensation
Taught to be embarrassed
Of this feeling,
All that's on my mind,
is my saturated thighs.
The symphony begins,
Four quarter notes per measure.
Turn me up
In your mental.
Thoughts, cloudy with passion,
Ecstasy possesses me.
Your star potential arouses me.
Thinking if I gave you a chance,
If I gave you all the control.
If we made our own movie,
could you handle it?
Are you ready to be the leading role?
Imagination running wild
As my breathing pattern harmonizes with the strumming of my bliss.
High pitches and falsettos,
Echoing back,
In silence.
Do you hear the music?
My favorite composition,
Track,
Beat,
Sounds of bliss.
Laying in your tee shirt,
The scent intensifies my senses.
Slow roll, toe curls,
Legs shaking, lip trembling.
We're at the bridge,
Embracing it all.
I can't hold back,
Flushed kinetic energy,
Undisturbed beauty,
Lost in myself,
Octave rise,
Fermata follows,
Utopian explosion,
A crescendo.
This is Bliss in four four measure
Kaquana Bambi ;-)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Reality Bites: my take on Reality Television
Ok, let me first say, I am not intentionally attacking anyone. But I really need to get this off my chest. I am so SICK of "reality" TV. It's becoming disgusting. These networks, especially VH1 and Oxygen will do anything to get a story that is "good for TV". Each week thousands of women tune into these ignorant ass shows; Basketball Wives, Love & Hip-Hop, Bad Girls Club, and Real Housewives to name a handful, that glorify petty female beefs, their easily attained lavish lifestyles, and encourage drama on each episode. Some women and young girls are using these shows as tutorials to become, what they perceive, as the ideal woman. These shows are usually scripted for drama. So they are far from real.
When do they show the women, at peace and loving each other and their families? On the very few occasions when they do show this, we as viewers, don't want to see it! We're itching for a fight, to hear the word "bitch", or see someone throw a drink at another woman who is the same as her. Help me understand??? Is this what we are saying we are about, collectively, ladies? Shirley Chisholm and Sojourner Truth would be appalled, I will go further and say, disappointed that they struggled for us (black women) for this.
Now I am going to play both sides just a bit here, it is not a reality tv star's responsibility to raise our girls or mold black female culture.
But...
Regardless of that fact, the REALITY is, it is giving the wrong impression. These little girls are striving to get Christian Louboutins, Louis Vutton, and Gucci, but are the least bit interested in earning a degree so they can earn a living, to buy a pair of Louboutins. Where's the sense in that? I love nice things too. In no way am saying there is anything wrong with buying nice things with expensive tags, but it's important to know why YOU ARE making the purchase. Understand the purchase is not making you!
When it comes to these shows. We watch to see the drama (period). Maybe in some twisted way, watching their nonsense makes us feel less fucked up. Let's stop focusing so much on the reality show garbage and deal with our own nasty stuff. You can't wait to tune in because on the next episode this chick confronts the next broad about sleeping with her man but you are allowing your child's father to ignore his responsibility of taking care of his child/children. You're talking about Emily being stupid, wanting to be with a man who's unfaithful yet you know your man has dual lives and is unfaithful? Come on ladies!
I used to watch reality TV, especially back in the 90s when Real World an Road Rules, on MTV, was popular. Although the people on these shows did have spats, beefs, and fights, it wasn't produced and edited the way it is now. Now it seems like production revolves solely around women's unhappiness and spats. I sometimes catch an episode or two when I am at someone else's houses or I over hear summaries of an episode from coworkers, and it's always the same. I also used to watch them myself. I would like to watch these women, see them having a good time together, less bickering, sharing some worthy knowledge, or having more REAL conversations about what makes them (the women on these shows) want to lash out the way they do. Instead of excuses and talking around the issue, some dialogue about the real internal issues would be appreciated. My opinion is, 'if you are going to let us in, let us in for real.' Maybe, just maybe, by changing that aspect of the show a young woman would evaluate herself, her actions, her thoughts, and see a need for change. That's what it should be doing, not promoting the idea that female bickering, fighting, and stupid beefs between so called "friends" is normal or acceptable! Because honestly, these women all seem to have serious psychological issues. The only reason they aren't stigmatized is because they are on television. These imbalanced women are role models to many. You will never hear me say Ive got everything together and you will never catch me on national television acting stark raving mad! Nope! Not I said the cat. (I would be the cat in this situation lol)
Now, obviously everyone will not always get along and I'm not trying to live in a perfect world. I'm simply saying let's stop glorifying these ignorant and negative portrayals of women.
If you don't think about anything i am saying, that is fine. Then all that I ask, when you watch the show, is to realize it is everything EXCEPT reality.
When do they show the women, at peace and loving each other and their families? On the very few occasions when they do show this, we as viewers, don't want to see it! We're itching for a fight, to hear the word "bitch", or see someone throw a drink at another woman who is the same as her. Help me understand??? Is this what we are saying we are about, collectively, ladies? Shirley Chisholm and Sojourner Truth would be appalled, I will go further and say, disappointed that they struggled for us (black women) for this.
Now I am going to play both sides just a bit here, it is not a reality tv star's responsibility to raise our girls or mold black female culture.
But...
Regardless of that fact, the REALITY is, it is giving the wrong impression. These little girls are striving to get Christian Louboutins, Louis Vutton, and Gucci, but are the least bit interested in earning a degree so they can earn a living, to buy a pair of Louboutins. Where's the sense in that? I love nice things too. In no way am saying there is anything wrong with buying nice things with expensive tags, but it's important to know why YOU ARE making the purchase. Understand the purchase is not making you!
When it comes to these shows. We watch to see the drama (period). Maybe in some twisted way, watching their nonsense makes us feel less fucked up. Let's stop focusing so much on the reality show garbage and deal with our own nasty stuff. You can't wait to tune in because on the next episode this chick confronts the next broad about sleeping with her man but you are allowing your child's father to ignore his responsibility of taking care of his child/children. You're talking about Emily being stupid, wanting to be with a man who's unfaithful yet you know your man has dual lives and is unfaithful? Come on ladies!
I used to watch reality TV, especially back in the 90s when Real World an Road Rules, on MTV, was popular. Although the people on these shows did have spats, beefs, and fights, it wasn't produced and edited the way it is now. Now it seems like production revolves solely around women's unhappiness and spats. I sometimes catch an episode or two when I am at someone else's houses or I over hear summaries of an episode from coworkers, and it's always the same. I also used to watch them myself. I would like to watch these women, see them having a good time together, less bickering, sharing some worthy knowledge, or having more REAL conversations about what makes them (the women on these shows) want to lash out the way they do. Instead of excuses and talking around the issue, some dialogue about the real internal issues would be appreciated. My opinion is, 'if you are going to let us in, let us in for real.' Maybe, just maybe, by changing that aspect of the show a young woman would evaluate herself, her actions, her thoughts, and see a need for change. That's what it should be doing, not promoting the idea that female bickering, fighting, and stupid beefs between so called "friends" is normal or acceptable! Because honestly, these women all seem to have serious psychological issues. The only reason they aren't stigmatized is because they are on television. These imbalanced women are role models to many. You will never hear me say Ive got everything together and you will never catch me on national television acting stark raving mad! Nope! Not I said the cat. (I would be the cat in this situation lol)
Now, obviously everyone will not always get along and I'm not trying to live in a perfect world. I'm simply saying let's stop glorifying these ignorant and negative portrayals of women.
If you don't think about anything i am saying, that is fine. Then all that I ask, when you watch the show, is to realize it is everything EXCEPT reality.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Foam Craze!!!
It's 2:06 AM and I'm sitting in McDonald's because we weren't allowed to wait in our car on the mall premises. Mall security was like "you here for the shoe release? Well *stuttering* you can't be on the property before 5 AM." I'm thinking how do I know you're security and you're not some random guy trying to get my spot in line. He was probably out to get my size. I am only kidding! All jokes aside I am currently planning our execution to get these two pairs of Nike Foamposites.
Its now 4:16 AM we are tired! We are waiting at the lot across from the mall, in and out of sleep, smh. Stay tuned to see how this goes, and wish me luck!
It's 4:46 am and we are now in a single file line, that is blocked/taped off. The officer is saying no one will get served that's not in a single file line, then he goes on to tell us about the Concord release riot that took place in December. Talking about 60 cops, had to apprehend and make 1500 people evacuate the mall. The whole while he's telling this story, I can tell he really wants to say, "you niggers and your shoes - just don't know how to act."
5:45 A.M
 |
| We got our pair! |
Okay, I unfortunately just had to go in on someone. This guy decides he's going to pay $80 to skip one person in the line. I kindly let him know that wouldn't work. He can't pay one person to skip 30. That's not the way it works. He wasn't pleased but right now that doesn't bother me because I've been here since 12:30 am. F*ck him for being a self righteous prick.
It's 8:07 A.M and the mission is complete! I also have a pretty funny addition to my previous story as well; I will share in my video. Sorry the video isn't available for mobile view. But check it out on you PC!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Why I love black men!
There is something about a black man that is indescribable. His strength, his charisma, his work ethic. For the men who are taking care of their children, working to support their families, and being productive citizens, curtsy to you! :) I love you! I never had a father figure so I love seeing men being active fathers! You are saving your child from so much. Your being there, being able to teach life lessons, and mold your child in the best way.
I appreciate the black man who knows how to treat and honor his lady. Honest, faithful, "one women" men do exist. I also salute the men who keep it real, even if you are dating other women, keeping it real with the women you are dealing with, is what matters. I can respect that and other women should too, then maybe more men would keep it funky (real).
A man who provides for his family is a blessing. Providing isn't always monetary although monetary support is wonderful. Providing is anything that makes the household comfortable and content. Yes, for the man who cooks cleans, and keep the kids,
Personally, I love a man who understands balance. If you can balance me, kids, and your friends, you've got me!
 |
| Theses are lyrics exerted from one of my favorite songs, Murder The Excellence, on Kanye & Jay-Z's Watch The Throne album. The song addresses black on black crime, the stifled stature of many blacks, and how we need to strive for excellence. |
I just realized while writing this that I could never truly put into words how special black men are. The comfort, safety, and protection a black man provides is something that is not easy to come by. So appreciate these black men, ladies and gents.
If no one told you, your perfect. You're beyond perfect black man! *kisses*
I love you, with all your different shades black man.
OUR history month.
Black History...
Hey guys! As you all know it's black history month. So, respectfully, I will bring a black history message to you. I'm not gonna talk about what you're expecting. Im sure you are very familiar with Martin L King Jr.'s "I have a dream speech", you know what Rosa Parks did for us, you are aware of Malcolm X's struggle, and the list continues. But do you know what you're doing for black history? We all need to be able to tell our children, friends, and families stories of pride, strength, success, and perseverance just like we heard our grandparents, great grandparents, or figures like Malcom X & Medgar Evers share. We should be making history for our culture. Doing something worth talking about. When you break down the word history, it's HIS-[s]tory and I'm taking that literally I want to start hearing his, her, and their stories not to ever take away from the black leaders who came before us but we need to continue their legacies. It's nothing wrong with having fun and in no way am I being self righteous but it's important that we understand balance and uplift our people. There are so many black people who will never be willing to do so , OR who you will never seem able to get through to. But you still have to try. That's the real struggle, "fighting" against your own people. But when you do get through or do something, even if its minuscule, it feels so good!
Each year there is a different theme for black history month, 2012's theme is celebrating beautiful black women! Get excited! To my strong, handsome black men celebrate your women, even if your woman isn't black I want you to celebrate her for holding you down, as a black man.
P.S
Black History Month isn't just about people of African descent. I have a secret to share...black history is actually World History/U.S History so all cultures can celebrate. One of the reasons I don't get angry about only being recognized one month is because I know the impact my people have had on this world. Our ancestors literally built America on their backs and further more have invented so many things that we use today.
Black Inventions:
Hair brush/comb (1800s) soap, The Almanac(1971), the A/C unit (1949), blood plasma bags (1945), cellphones (1971), clothes dyer (1962) , automatic gear shift (1932), traffic lights (1923) just to name a few, there are hundreds of inventions by blacks that we use everyday. So next time you use one of the above, feel proud knowing that's the kind of brain power you come from.
SN: if you have some time to read a book highlighting black history or a black historic figure, worthy black fiction, and/or even black historic fiction based on real events please do & share!
Have a wonderful day. With all my love.
Peace!
Hey guys! As you all know it's black history month. So, respectfully, I will bring a black history message to you. I'm not gonna talk about what you're expecting. Im sure you are very familiar with Martin L King Jr.'s "I have a dream speech", you know what Rosa Parks did for us, you are aware of Malcolm X's struggle, and the list continues. But do you know what you're doing for black history? We all need to be able to tell our children, friends, and families stories of pride, strength, success, and perseverance just like we heard our grandparents, great grandparents, or figures like Malcom X & Medgar Evers share. We should be making history for our culture. Doing something worth talking about. When you break down the word history, it's HIS-[s]tory and I'm taking that literally I want to start hearing his, her, and their stories not to ever take away from the black leaders who came before us but we need to continue their legacies. It's nothing wrong with having fun and in no way am I being self righteous but it's important that we understand balance and uplift our people. There are so many black people who will never be willing to do so , OR who you will never seem able to get through to. But you still have to try. That's the real struggle, "fighting" against your own people. But when you do get through or do something, even if its minuscule, it feels so good!
Each year there is a different theme for black history month, 2012's theme is celebrating beautiful black women! Get excited! To my strong, handsome black men celebrate your women, even if your woman isn't black I want you to celebrate her for holding you down, as a black man.
P.S
Black History Month isn't just about people of African descent. I have a secret to share...black history is actually World History/U.S History so all cultures can celebrate. One of the reasons I don't get angry about only being recognized one month is because I know the impact my people have had on this world. Our ancestors literally built America on their backs and further more have invented so many things that we use today.
Black Inventions:
Hair brush/comb (1800s) soap, The Almanac(1971), the A/C unit (1949), blood plasma bags (1945), cellphones (1971), clothes dyer (1962) , automatic gear shift (1932), traffic lights (1923) just to name a few, there are hundreds of inventions by blacks that we use everyday. So next time you use one of the above, feel proud knowing that's the kind of brain power you come from.
SN: if you have some time to read a book highlighting black history or a black historic figure, worthy black fiction, and/or even black historic fiction based on real events please do & share!
Have a wonderful day. With all my love.
Peace!
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