New Haircut!!!

Hello my lovelies. I got a new haircut. I went in for a trim. I am in NY right now, so it wouldn't be right if I didn't get a wash and set (Dominican blow out). In the middle of my blowout, I noticed my hair was looking lifeless so I opted for a layered cut to give me a refresher. I'm not sure how long my hair is. I may measure soon. To answer a few FAQs, yes my hair is still natural. I have no chemicals in my hair. I do wear cones when I wear my straight hair but only natural products on my curls. I posted some pics of my new hair cut. At first, I wasn't crazy about my new look because so much hair was cut (3-5 inches in different areas) but I started to like it more as time progressed.

Broooookkkk-lllllyn

I am leaving for New York tonight and I am so excited for numerous reasons.

1. I am going home. (I never really have gotten home sick but I think I am just a wee bit, right now)
2. I am going to New York
3. I will see family and friends
4. I need a break from all NC is offering right now
5. I will always love my city

So, as you guys know I am following weight watchers program, and I pray I have the will power and the determination to turn away all the good food I am about to be exposed to; Rotis, Jerk and Curry everything, pizza, beef patties, rasta pasta (one of my favs), late night dinner food, loaded franks, and the list goes on, etc. I am going to ask my family and friends to help me to be as good as possible. So I will be gone five days and I am going to adore every moment. I will attempt to keep you guys updated with some of my appropriate fun. :-) 

 I miss Brooklyn more than you can ever imagine. My heart is there all the time. I have not been home, just to chill since I left to move back to NC in July of last year so this is going to be great!

XoXo

Body Art Incentive

In the next few months I am going to making some major additions to my tattoos. I so excited about my ideas, and I am ready to see them on drawn out, and better yet, on my skin. I plan on getting one tattoo for each of my weight loss goal milestones. Currently I have three in mind, weight loss goals and tattoos. So my first one will be my 10 lb. weight loss. My second will be me reaching 10% of my weight loss journey and as I reach these goals and get the tattoos, you will be updated with pictures. Currently I have seven tats, and I can not wait to add more. If you have any words of encouragement, weight loss, workout, healthy cooking tips, please do share.

Love ya guys. Hope to have some updates and pictures soon.

Rewiring Your Negative Brain

Hey Guys, 

I know it has been a while since I have written BUT life has been a bit crazy but not in a negative way. For the most part there have been positive changes. I was given a small promotion at my job so my responsibilities have shifted, pay and stress has increased. I am very thankful though. I told you guys I was starting weight watchers, and indeed I did. I joined two weeks ago and lost 5 lbs. my first week. I was excited and very proud of myself. Now only 45 lbs to go...I am taking one step at a time though. I want to try to avoid becoming overwhelmed so I am setting smaller goals. My next big milestone will be a 10 lb lost. I will share this milestone because I know I will reach it. 

For those that are not aware, Weight Watchers is a weight loss program/lifestyle that encourages healthy eating habits, getting active, portion and hunger control. You can prepare your own meals and buy Weight Watchers pre-made meals, etc. Each week you attend your meeting and you weigh in, which really keeps YOU accountable for your weight loss. You feel so good when you get on the scale and the numbers are going down. Each week we have a different meeting topic, this week's meeting was about being negative about your weight loss. It was astounding how many of my fellow weight watchers thought negatively about their weight loss journey. Everything from, "I do not want to do this" to "this is a waste of time", and "I hate this part (weighing in)". I admit I also have been negative, saying "I will never reach my goal weight". Now honestly what kind of statement is that? How could I EVER reach my goal if I do not even believe, I mean really believe, in myself??? Self fulfilling prophecy is a real thing so, after years of human development, psychology courses, and experience I finally gave into the theory. So instead of saying "I will never reach my goal", I changed it up and said "this is the last time I will weigh this number!" I turned those negative thoughts to positivity. I refuse to foster anymore negativity.

 This also applies to the way I live my life. I recently found out some very disturbing information about someone I considered very close and highly respected. I thought the individual was a completely different person. Shame on me for my nativity. I was very hurt by these new discoveries. But instead of thinking about this revelation as a negative, I am appreciative of my new found clarity. I am thankful to know about your dishonesty and your unscrupulous behavior. 

If only I could have known sooner...oh well, life is all about learning and I have learned a huge lesson from you. I still wish you the best in everything you do, and we will remain friends. I just lost the respect that I had for you, and the love I had for you has diminished. Our friendship has always been something I have honored, but I realize, it was actually built on prevarication. It is still upsetting to me, so I know I still care but all the things you preached about "not holding the next one accountable for the last one and all men are not the same" are null and void. You dismantled your own theories. I am rewiring my brain though and instead of being angry, I will be blessed for the unveiled truth.

"sometimes you just outgrow people"

-a wise man

xoxo
Bambi

The Sanctity of Marriage and all that BS

So a conversation with a close and dear loved one prompted this post. I have also discussed this matter with my some of my closest girlfriends. I am not sure when marriage lost its sanctity, or if it ever had any but one thing is for sure, people no longer honor marriage as a monogamous bond between two people or have any problems walking away, when a marriage gets tough. I do not mean to be judgmental but I can not help it, at times, I am human. 


When I say "I do" to someone, I feel like I should be able to say they are the last person I want to be with for the rest of my life. The last person I want to wake up to, have sex with, have children and share life with. I do not even think that is a part of the proposal or acceptance deciding factors these days, and that makes me sad. I know many people who have felt pressured to marry, because "it's the right thing to do", or because there was no other choice in their current situations.


 I am no expert but I am pretty sure that is the fastest way to resentment lane with your partner. Marriage should ideally be because you can not imagine life without your partner.If there is any doubt that your heart is not in it or you are not ready to have sex and wake up to everyday, have children, etc with, you do not need to get married, yet. That does not mean you have to break it off with your significant other but be honest with yourself, it saves a shit load of hurt feelings, in the long run.


The same reason people aren't honest with themselves, I assume, is the same reason people walk away from their marriages so quickly. At least it appears to be with ease. It seems like no one fights for their relationships and marriages anymore. Now, by no means am I telling you to stay in something that is not good for you. I do not condone abuse,  lying, and cheating but people make mistakes. We were not designed with perfection in mind. Love is definitely not perfect, and marriage is no exception. Work through the hard shit guys. Act like it's worth it. 




xoxo
Bambi

I am watching my weight!

GUESS WHAT GUYS?! I AM STARTING WEIGHT WATCHERS NEXT WEEKEND.

WE ALL HAVE SEEN THE JENNIFER HUDSON TRANSFORMATION (WHICH IS AMAZING) BUT BEFORE THEY HAD A FAMOUS FACE I TRIED WEIGHT WATCHERS AND I WAS FAIRLY SUCCESSFUL. 

I STOPPED BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS ABLE ENOUGH TO MAINTAIN. 

 I AM SO EXCITED. I AM SO READY TO GET RID OF THIS EXTRA WEIGHT (MENTAL & PHYSICAL).

I HAVE DECIDED I WILL SHARE SOME OF MY PROGRESS WITH YOU GUYS, I WILL SHARE LB. UPDATES & PICS WHEN I CAN.

What I would say (if I ever had the heart)...

How old am I ? You don't know, do you? Maybe that is because you have never recognized a birthday, sent a card, or taking me to the doctor.


You don't know me. You don't know what ice-cream flavor I like, or what size shoe I wear because you were never there. You complain of your mom not giving you enough affection (I guess that gives you the "pass" to be a shitty mom) because she was trying provide you shelter and food. Bitch


How do you think I feel? You're a junkie, whore, neglectful, desperate, and my irresponsible egg donor. Affection was the least of my complaints. How dare you utter those words. One would have to be dumb or high-that's what it is, you're high (as usual); you think you sound like you make sense. I am disgusted when I think about your desperation and how you included me in it. 


I hate when you try to act like you're responsible for my achievements, introduce me to your friends, and show me around like a trophy- you had nothing to do with me going to college, my life decisions, and life lessons. I did all this through grace, faith, and my strength. 


Well maybe some life lessons. You taught me early what it is to feel pain. 




You made me hate you.  I don't hate.




*takes deep breath and continues*

diary of an |cheated| insecure girl.

.today.

I know he is cheating with Lauren but I love him. I just do not want everyone to know. I hate when he embarrasses me and I look stupid in front of all our friends. I hate sitting up all night worried if he's coming home. I hate the texts, DM/FB messages from his other girls. I've lost, gained weight, sleep, and a part of me. I stay stressed. I think I am gonna accept that date and go out with [insert name here]. I deserve some attention too. I need some intimate male interaction. He might try something...at this point I cant even say I wouldn't let him. O know that is terrible but I'm fed up with being second.

diary of an insecure woman

Feb Twenty-1/5

All I want is some attention. I want to feel like I am the only girl in the world and that is definitely to much of a task for you. I always feel like I am competition with my past, preset, future. Maybe the problem is I gave up my destiny for practicality? We hardly agree and have little in common. I know I am young, I have my career, and whole life but I can not help but sit and wonder will I ever be someone's wife? I feel like my insecurities will keep me on the shelf forever. I have got to change. I want to be a better woman.

[diary of an insecure girl] DISCLAIMER & a message to my readers

Hey guys!

Hope you all are enjoying you Saturday afternoon. I relaxing, in between washing clothes, and watching movies. I woke up bright and early this morning, and cleaned the house. Off that though. I wanted to give you guys a little love!!!!!

I appreciate my readers so much, you guys keep going. My friend that read, give me hope. People who tune in randomly, and continue to read, make me feeling amazing. You wonderful beautiful people are all a part of my love, and I want to say...thank you. 

DISCLAIMER: Many of my writings are literal and many are creative.

 My 'diary of an insecure girl' series is inspired by friends, family, strangers, and even my own feelings and experiences.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you all for your support!

You may be able to tell, that I am really ready for the spring. Hugs & Kisses

Subscribe and follow my blog by e-mail

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E-mail Me: saudicurlylocks@gmail.com

Update: Galaxy Thirst!!!

So, this was the funniest, scariest, craziest shit, I've ever experienced. We pull up to the mall 11:03 pm and the mall parking lot is a zoo. At this point the police had the line taped off and were containing the crowd to the back of the mall. Mind you there were at least 2,000 people behind the yellow tape amidst the 200+ random wondering people in the parking lot, hiding behind, under, and in cars to avoid having to get in the long line. 11:45 pm and all you can hear is yelling and all of a sudden I see everyone running towards the door. I yelled to Brandon "run!!!" and that's what he did. There were at least 3 more incidents just like this, that followed. The crowd bum rushed the doors and almost pried the doors open. At this moment I'm was at arm's distance away from the door. Then I felt my face burning, I had been pepper sprayed! I was choking and everything! Brandon and I were split up and he got inside the mall somehow. Just when he called me to tell me the line inside the mall is ridiculous, the head of mall security was telling me they were going to shut the release down, until further notice, and police were instructing everyone to leave the property. He claimed, that they would do a lottery instead of a store release and for us to look in the newspaper for details. We weren't just going to leave though. We had word from the store manager that not only had he not heard anything from Nike about canceling, he still planned to be there at 7 am to sell the foams,and to stay put. Listen, we knew the shoe was still releasing and we were damn sure going to try to get it. I need an official cancelation. Lol.

Around 2:15 am I was reading updates of stores that have canceled today's releases. Of course the updates didn't mention NC. They were referring to some MD, CA, and FL locations.

So we started looking for other hiding
spots. We moved around to the front of the mall, at first no one was there buy then to many people started migrating that way so the police eventually caught on and asked us to leave. Then we moved to a gas station parking lot, which was good but there were to many people in that small confined area, for my comfort. Next, we thought about the McDonald's behind the mall. We got there, it was packed too. We then moved to this desolate, with a good view, fenced area- that clearly posted DO NOT ENTER ( private property), the cops were on their way in, so we expeditiously got the heck out of there and parked in our normal spot. That's when I got the official text about the cancellation. The store was sending all the releases back.

It's 3:45 am. Just got the confirmation from, my friend, a store employee letting me know the release was canceled. Time to head home. My last words were...

"Oh, so we can't get no all star joints either "

All in all, it was fun. Even though we didn't get the shoes.
Releases were canceled all over the nation in safety precautions.
There was actually an incident in Orlando where shots were allegedly, fired in the air. So that was release was immediately shut down.

Lata loves!

InterGALACTIC Fantasty

Happy Thursday! The highly anticipated Nike Foamposite, Galaxy shoe has been a highlight of many sneaker lover's conversations the whole month of February and, definitely, this week, with the release tomorrow. There has been extreme speculation of how many pairs of these GALAXY FOAMPOSITES our favorite shoe stores are getting but nothing has been officially confirmed (of course Nike is not going to spill the beans)! I have said this before, but Nike has been ruthless on pockets this month. It is hard to find a sneaker lover who will disagree that this shoe is hot. I like the outer space top but I love the glow in the dark sole. I have gone back in forth trying to decide if I wanted to go attempt this release, and finally I have decided I will go. Currently, at 4 pm  hour all malls and stand alone stores that have these highly demanded kicks are experiencing extremely high traffic. I am in Raleigh NC now and there are people from Virgina, D.C, Maryland, and South Carolina waiting for these shoes. Which means people have traveled hours to have the chance to cop these shoes. The keyword in that sentence is chance.       These shoes are almost impossible to purchase, aside from the long lines and people camping out for days. Limited pairs have been produced and Nike is not pre-selling. I understand the point of exclusive shoes but this is getting a little out of hand. Creating exclusive releases keeps a brand relevant.  The mystery number is somewhere between 600 and 650. You may be able to cop your pair for $2500 or more from a reseller if you really want them. That is why I say it's an intergalactic fantasy, because they are SO unattainable but we all will still try.      There will be hundreds of people walking out of malls all over the world between 7:30 and 8:00 am who will not have a pair, which brings me to my next thought. We all know that in the past there have been shoe releases that have been so anticipated and intense that they have led to riots and violence. No one is trying to get hurt over no shoes. The house of hoops, in my area, seems to be prepared for such incidents. They will have a swat team, city police, along with the current mall security present. If anyone decides they want to try to slip into line or "jump" the line, they will be escorted out the mall and will not be permitted to return. The mall of course has guidelines of when you can come on the property and if this regulation is violated more than twice, you will not be permitted to return and may have more on your hands then you bargained for. Let me break this down. Usually you can not be on mall property until 5 am, if you are there at 4 am and asked to leave and you return before 5 am, not only will you be removed from the property but you will arrested. Wow! We will see how organized it will be once we go out there.      To all those going out on a galaxy venture, please be safe and remember you are more valuable than any pair of shoes. Stay tuned for an update 8 AM Friday morning. I will be writing while in line, and will post in tomorrow morning. *Muah* Yours truly, B

diary entry of an insecure girl (A series)

Thursday Feb 16th

Dear Chloe (Diary)
I'm going to call you Chloe because it feels weird addressing you as Diary. It makes me feel 12. Although naming you Chloe is probably just as weird. My logic in giving you a name is you're more like a friend I'm confiding in, rather than just a place to store my random thoughts. I don't even know if this is going to work for me, but whatever.

I'm always worried about him hurting me. I never want to feel that pain again. I've contemplated allowing him in because last time I let my guard down, I was attacked, and I didn't have any protection. I look through his phone, Facebook messages, twitter TL, and direct messages, because I fear losing him. I don't mean to upset him. I just need that reassurance, I need to know he's being true. I hate that part of me and I wish I could just stop these feelings but the truth is, I can't seem to keep the horrible jealous thoughts away. As soon as he goes out, I immediately assume he's going out to see someone else. He always keeps his phone on vibrate or silent and it makes me wonder, 'is that because he does not want me to hear him get a call or a message that might compromise us?' Sure, I could leave but that would just give the other women the upper hand and then they could just have him, which means I lose. Everyday I try not to compare him to the last one, who did me wrong, but how else do I learn from my past experiences? I don't wish to repeat the same mistakes. When I see the same suspect behavior in him and hear the same stories from him, it reminds me of my past because I've seen and heard it before.

A few dudes hit me on a regular asking "what's up" which is code for 'you still in a relationship with that guy?' or 'do you want to hook up?' I always say I'm happy with him. Im not happy and even though most would say I'm [in] secure, I hold him partially responsible because he doesn't give me the security and attention I desire. I don't feel like Im enough for him. So, maybe I will text one of these dudes back, maybe they will give me the attention I need? Of course it will not go beyond conversation. Plus it will give my boyfriend a little break, from my nagging. I know he hates when I nag him. This other guy seems like he would be a good friend. But I won't tell my boyfriend, I don't think he would understand.

Signed by an insecure girl.

We Will Always Love You, Whitney

I am currently in Charlotte NC. The tears are flowing as I write this but I wanted to share my admiration of Ms. Whitney Houston. My love for her music, her beauty, resilience, and resistance. Last night I was leaving the Bobcat/Clippers game, and my phone started to go crazy. Then I got the news via twitter and several text messages that, one of the greatest, of all time, had passed. Immediately my heart fell in my stomach. Sheena grabbed my hand and helped me gather myself. Yes, Whitney led a volatile lifestyle for several years and drugs did affect her angelic voice BUT that's still does not make the news of her death any easier. Drug use is a sensitive subject for me because it has definitely affected my life. Despite her drug use and struggle to redeem herself in the last few years, Whitney still leaves a more than amazing legacy with us. Im just blessed God allowed us to have her for some time, he shared his angel and allowed us to hear and enjoy an amazing voice! Whitney has won many awards for her stunning voice and acting, she's been recognized on numerous occasions. She crossed over to pop(ular) music and never compromised her sultry and soulful voice. Her vocal range was nothing short of outstanding. I used to say "Whitney can teach the alphabet", having the ability to jump from F to a (high) B. She was bad!

Reflections....
Whitney was the only singer to rearrange the national anthem from its normal 3:4 count add an extra beat per measure. I learned that when I was 12 years old! She was so talented and she understood and had her craft perfected!
Growing up, the Body Guard was my favorite movie. In fact, I think my mom still has a VCR with our VHS Body Guard stuck inside! LOL. That's how real it was. I would watch, rewind, watch. I always had to blow in my VCR and that VHS. She was truly an idol of mine. She is the reason I picked up a microphone to sing, the first performance I put on for my family was 'The Greatest Love Of All'. Imagine a 5 year old singing such a big ballad? But I did proudly, chest stuck out, and mouth wide open (just like Whitney's). That young, I was impacted by her voice.
Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston were my favorite musicians for years. My cousins and I would line our stuffed animals and dolls up on the bed, they were our audience, and sing Whitney and Michael into our hairbrushes. We had dances and everything. We had the best routine to "I'm Every Woman", You couldn't tell us we were not singers, if you tried :D

I can relate to struggling with demons, pressures, and unexplainable pains. I think many can relate and thats what made her a kindred spirit. Whitney has always been a giver. She's been an consistent donor for many causes! She was one of the first mainstream musicians to be an public advocate for HIV/AIDS. Whitney was also an icon in the LGBT community. Loved for her self love anthems, beautiful ballads, and upbeat dance hits, Whitney was a force to be reckoned with.

In conclusion, her death hurts but I'm going to try to think of the beauty within the misery. I don't know about you but that saxophone solo and her powerful voice in, one of her most popular songs, her version of country song "I Will Always Love You" has always given me chills. Who else but Mrs. Houston can sing, isolated- nothing but voice, on a published track for 45 seconds?

I've been listening to Whitney for over 20 years and I am deeply saddened by her sudden death. Maybe now, she can truly rest? As I close this post all that plays in my head is Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" and that's exactly what I intend to do. Rest In Peace, Whitney Houston (August 9, 1963-February 11, 2011)

Xoxo B

I am a Martian : Foamposite One "Galazy"

So, I know I said I did not like the Galaxy Foams but I have changed my mind. The first pair I saw were not the shoes that are coming out later this month, so I retract that statement. I absolutely love the "Galaxy" sneaker It is so sexy and funky. How could you not like them? The sneaker has been inspired by outer space. @Nike confirmed (on twitter) that they would be dropping Febuary 24th which is crazy since just last week, they dropped the Metallic Red foams. Two foams in one month and next month the Electrolime foams release! All I can say is Nike is not playing games and they are not being easy on any sneaker lover's wallet at $220 a pair.

Sex. Love. $

Sex, love, and money; the top three desires of the world's population. I want to talk about how money, sex, and love matter. I always say love is simple. You either love your partner or you don't. We make it complicated. The loves you had in the past can create complications in a present love. In addition to that theory, I do not believe love was intended to always feel good. If love always felt good, how could you truly appreciate it? There is love in pain, and beauty in the struggle. For example an anxious mother is having a baby. During her pregnancy she experienced pains (caused by her unborn child) but she continued to carry her child despite that pain mostly because of love. The delivery is hell, she feels like she could die from the excruciating pain she is feeling but as soon as she sees her baby's face all that pain will be converted to love.

With that being sad, one would think love could conquer all. I am not sure it can, by itself. Maybe if sex or money were not factors, then love would conquer all? The truth is, when all these factors are involved the answers to the equation can be very different and the math surpasses simple addition and subtraction. With money and sex you start to get into multiplication and division, if you know what I mean? Good sex can have you feeling 20X deeper in your emotions and feelings. While money will have you dividing assets, time, and "sharing out", and this is what makes love more complicated.

Money = Love

For the love of $

Some would say to have financial security is to have love. If your significant other provides everything you need and want, does that mean they love you? The answer is no! Just because someone is spending on you does not mean they truly love you. There are other aspects of love, other than financial support that need to be mastered before someone can just say they love you otherwise you woman or man, might as well just "leave the money on the nightstand" because you are flipping tricks. You are a transaction. Wake up and smell the coffee, you deserve more. The first believer must be yourself, though. There are some people who would disagree that money does not equal love, you are entitled to your opinion but I never want to live that life.
Sex over Money or Money over Sex ???

Would you put up with bad sex for money or tolerate horrible finances because the sex is the wonderful? Let's put this into perspective. Your partner has provided your home, you have cars, you're eating good, bills are on auto pay, money in the bank, you guys are taking 3 to 4 big vacations a year. All the money you earn is your money, your happy with your treatment, you guys enjoy each others time, and the sex is horrible. Can you tolerate the bad sex because all other avenues are perfect? How important is sex in a relationship? Would you sacrifice amazing sex for financial security?

Say What?
I am going to be honest, it would not work for me and I know I have probably contradicted myself at some point in another post, saying you need to compromise and stop searching for unattainable perfection but I do not care, bad sex in my book is not something that can be compromised. I will compromise if my partner wants to work on it or asks me how to please me more. I would want to be told if I needed work and further more would want someone to work with me. There are tons of traditional and nontraditional options to explore.If your partner can provides all your wants and that is enough that is great. I know women who say it is more than enough. If this is your situation and you make it work, kudos to you. I am in reverence of you. If you like it, I love it.

Great Sex: Bad Finances
The contrary to the previous situation is being with a bum who has bomb sex. Do I think it is okay? NO. Have I done it? YES. I am not proud to admit it but if I am going to write about it, I am going to keep it real. Sex has this way of clouding one's judgement and in my defense I was young and inexperienced. I like to think I have matured since then. Nevertheless, I was a fool "in love", all because of great sex. The sex was mind blowing. I mean that curl ya toes, wet sheets, hair pulling, tongue tied, back arched, tongue ticking, back to back sessions loving. It fucked up my head though. I found myself settling with someone who was not only not treating me the way I deserved but also who never had shit! I do not mind throwing you a couple dollars or paying a bill here and there. I am your woman, I am going to hold you down but no one should be paying another adults bills. If you are not married or sharing/splitting responsibilities, you should not just be paying your girl/boyfriend's bills. I was ignorant though. I eventually felt like I was paying for my relationship. My wake up call came when I started getting overdraft letters from my bank. 'Why am I getting overdraft letters when my account is supposed to have five figures just sitting there?' Oh, I knew I had to leave! If you are in a relationship like this. GET OUT !!! Unless you like being broke? It will not get better. That is my advice. That brings me to my next point...

Are you a sugar baby?

 I was close to being someones sugar baby, I left because that is just not in my character. A sugar baby (a.k.a sugar mama or sugar daddy) are women or men who pay or buy to have the attention, time, affection, and love of their partner. Paying for love or spending money to attain "love" from your partner is ridiculous. On the other side of this spectrum, but still the same page, I think a person who wants companionship so badly that they are willing to pay for it in hopes of sex is not only desperate but disgusting. If you find yourself coming out of pocket all the time, you can not seem to get any response from your partner unless you are spending money on them, you might be a sugar baby. If they do not want to be bothered or don't want to be around when you are don't have or you aren't balling out of control, you might be a sugar baby. You will never be able to buy love. It's intrinsic value makes it impossible to afford. I know for a fact there are people who disagree but I rest my case.

"Ya'll dont wanna hear me, ya just wanna dance [read]" from Andre 3000's song Hey Ya

Who am I kidding, sex drives money in America. Only because we've given it its value, I'm referencing to money AND sex in this instance. Lol. So, this will never cease as long as the Federal Reserve continues to print because we have been conditioned to value and equate money and sex the way we do. "Ya'll dont wanna hear me ya just wanna [read]" Andre 3000. "Hey Ya." The Love Below. Laface Records, 2003. CD.

Until Next Time.Peace.

As always, thank you for reading :)

Have a Great Day.

Bambi

Bliss in 4:4

I slip into bliss
It's so comfortable here,
Home.
Comforted by the warmth
The sensation
Taught to be embarrassed
Of this feeling,
All that's on my mind,
is my saturated thighs.
The symphony begins,
Four quarter notes per measure.
Turn me up
In your mental.
Thoughts, cloudy with passion,
Ecstasy possesses me.
Your star potential arouses me.
Thinking if I gave you a chance,
If I gave you all the control.
If we made our own movie,
could you handle it?
Are you ready to be the leading role?
Imagination running wild
As my breathing pattern harmonizes with the strumming of my bliss.
High pitches and falsettos,
Echoing back,
In silence.
Do you hear the music?
My favorite composition,
Track,
Beat,
Sounds of bliss.
Laying in your tee shirt,
The scent intensifies my senses.
Slow roll, toe curls,
Legs shaking, lip trembling.
We're at the bridge,
Embracing it all.
I can't hold back,
Flushed kinetic energy,
Undisturbed beauty,
Lost in myself,
Octave rise,
Fermata follows,
Utopian explosion,
A crescendo.
This is Bliss in four four measure

Kaquana Bambi ;-)

Reality Bites: my take on Reality Television

Ok, let me first say, I am not intentionally attacking anyone. But I really need to get this off my chest. I am so SICK of "reality" TV. It's becoming disgusting. These networks, especially VH1 and Oxygen will do anything to get a story that is "good for TV". Each week thousands of women tune into these ignorant ass shows; Basketball Wives, Love & Hip-Hop, Bad Girls Club, and Real Housewives to name a handful, that glorify petty female beefs, their easily attained lavish lifestyles, and encourage drama on each episode. Some women and young girls are using these shows as tutorials to become, what they perceive, as the ideal woman. These shows are usually scripted for drama. So they are far from real.
When do they show the women, at peace and loving each other and their families? On the very few occasions when they do show this, we as viewers, don't want to see it! We're itching for a fight, to hear the word "bitch", or see someone throw a drink at another woman who is the same as her. Help me understand??? Is this what we are saying we are about, collectively, ladies? Shirley Chisholm and Sojourner Truth would be appalled, I will go further and say, disappointed that they struggled for us (black women) for this.

Now I am going to play both sides just a bit here, it is not a reality tv star's responsibility to raise our girls or mold black female culture.
But...
Regardless of that fact, the REALITY is, it is giving the wrong impression. These little girls are striving to get Christian Louboutins, Louis Vutton, and Gucci, but are the least bit interested in earning a degree so they can earn a living, to buy a pair of Louboutins. Where's the sense in that? I love nice things too. In no way am saying there is anything wrong with buying nice things with expensive tags, but it's important to know why YOU ARE making the purchase. Understand the purchase is not making you!

When it comes to these shows. We watch to see the drama (period). Maybe in some twisted way, watching their nonsense makes us feel less fucked up. Let's stop focusing so much on the reality show garbage and deal with our own nasty stuff. You can't wait to tune in because on the next episode this chick confronts the next broad about sleeping with her man but you are allowing your child's father to ignore his responsibility of taking care of his child/children. You're talking about Emily being stupid, wanting to be with a man who's unfaithful yet you know your man has dual lives and is unfaithful? Come on ladies!

I used to watch reality TV, especially back in the 90s when Real World an Road Rules, on MTV, was popular. Although the people on these shows did have spats, beefs, and fights, it wasn't produced and edited the way it is now. Now it seems like production revolves solely around women's unhappiness and spats. I sometimes catch an episode or two when I am at someone else's houses or I over hear summaries of an episode from coworkers, and it's always the same. I also used to watch them myself. I would like to watch these women, see them having a good time together, less bickering, sharing some worthy knowledge, or having more REAL conversations about what makes them (the women on these shows) want to lash out the way they do. Instead of excuses and talking around the issue, some dialogue about the real internal issues would be appreciated. My opinion is, 'if you are going to let us in, let us in for real.' Maybe, just maybe, by changing that aspect of the show a young woman would evaluate herself, her actions, her thoughts, and see a need for change. That's what it should be doing, not promoting the idea that female bickering, fighting, and stupid beefs between so called "friends" is normal or acceptable! Because honestly, these women all seem to have serious psychological issues. The only reason they aren't stigmatized is because they are on television. These imbalanced women are role models to many. You will never hear me say Ive got everything together and you will never catch me on national television acting stark raving mad! Nope! Not I said the cat. (I would be the cat in this situation lol)

Now, obviously everyone will not always get along and I'm not trying to live in a perfect world. I'm simply saying let's stop glorifying these ignorant and negative portrayals of women.

If you don't think about anything i am saying, that is fine. Then all that I ask, when you watch the show, is to realize it is everything EXCEPT reality.

Foam Craze!!!

 View Video Blog

It's 2:06 AM and I'm sitting in McDonald's because we weren't allowed to wait in our car on the mall premises. Mall security was like "you here for the shoe release? Well *stuttering* you can't be on the property before 5 AM." I'm thinking how do I know you're security and you're not some random guy trying to get my spot in line. He was probably out to get my size. I am only kidding! All jokes aside I am currently planning our execution to get these two pairs of Nike Foamposites.

Its now 4:16 AM we are tired! We are waiting at the lot across from the mall, in and out of sleep, smh. Stay tuned to see how this goes, and wish me luck!

It's 4:46 am and we are now in a single file line, that is blocked/taped off. The officer is saying no one will get served that's not in a single file line, then he goes on to tell us about the Concord release riot that took place in December. Talking about 60 cops, had to apprehend and make 1500 people evacuate the mall. The whole while he's telling this story, I can tell he really wants to say, "you niggers and your shoes - just don't know how to act."

5:45 A.M

We got our pair!

Okay, I unfortunately just had to go in on someone. This guy decides he's going to pay $80 to skip one person in the line. I kindly let him know that wouldn't work. He can't pay one person to skip 30. That's not the way it works. He wasn't pleased but right now that doesn't bother me because I've been here since 12:30 am. F*ck him for being a self righteous prick.

It's 8:07 A.M and the mission is complete! I also have a pretty funny addition to my previous story as well; I will share  in my video. Sorry the video isn't available for mobile view. But check it out on you PC!

Why I love black men!

There is something about a black man that is indescribable. His strength, his charisma, his work ethic. For the men who are taking care of their children, working to support their families, and being productive citizens, curtsy to you! :) I love you! I never had a father figure so I love seeing men being active fathers! You are saving your child from so much. Your being there, being able to teach life lessons, and mold your child in the best way.

I appreciate the black man who knows how to treat and honor his lady. Honest, faithful, "one women" men do exist. I also salute the men who keep it real, even if you are dating other women, keeping it real with the women you are dealing with, is what matters. I can respect that and other women should too, then maybe more men would keep it funky (real).

A man who provides for his family is a blessing. Providing isn't always monetary although monetary support is wonderful. Providing is anything that makes the household comfortable and content. Yes, for the man who cooks cleans, and keep the kids,

Personally, I love a man who understands balance. If you can balance me, kids, and your friends, you've got me!

Theses are lyrics exerted from one of my favorite songs, Murder The Excellence, on Kanye & Jay-Z's Watch The Throne album. The song addresses black on black crime, the stifled stature of many blacks, and how we need to strive for excellence.

I adore a man who is loyal to his friends. It's something about that loyalty between boys that is so special. It's a necessary dynamic. It shows a lot about one's character, how they prioritize in their lives. The fact that he will always hold his boy down in a tough situation is in my opinion is a great characteristic to find in a man. I had a situation where my man's friend was having some legal run ins, he discussed it with me (as his woman, NOT ASKING PERMISSION but to keep in the know-which he didn't have to do!) told me what he was going to do, and went out to get his friend out of that situation. Beyonce said it well in 'Hello"...the way that you protect your friends, baby I respect you for that..." I really dig that.

I just realized while writing this that I could never truly put into words how special black men are. The comfort, safety, and protection a black man provides is something that is not easy to come by. So appreciate these black men, ladies and gents.

If no one told you, your perfect. You're beyond perfect black man! *kisses*

I love you, with all your different shades black man.

OUR history month.

Black History...

Hey guys! As you all know it's black history month. So, respectfully, I will bring a black history message to you. I'm not gonna talk about what you're expecting. Im sure you are very familiar with Martin L King Jr.'s "I have a dream speech", you know what Rosa Parks did for us, you are aware of Malcolm X's struggle, and the list continues. But do you know what you're doing for black history? We all need to be able to tell our children, friends, and families stories of pride, strength, success, and perseverance just like we heard our grandparents, great grandparents, or figures like Malcom X & Medgar Evers share. We should be making history for our culture. Doing something worth talking about. When you break down the word history, it's HIS-[s]tory and I'm taking that literally I want to start hearing his, her, and their stories not to ever take away from the black leaders who came before us but we need to continue their legacies. It's nothing wrong with having fun and in no way am I being self righteous but it's important that we understand balance and uplift our people. There are so many black people who will never be willing to do so , OR who you will never seem able to get through to. But you still have to try. That's the real struggle, "fighting" against your own people. But when you do get through or do something, even if its minuscule, it feels so good!

Each year there is a different theme for black history month, 2012's theme is celebrating beautiful black women! Get excited! To my strong, handsome black men celebrate your women, even if your woman isn't black I want you to celebrate her for holding you down, as a black man.

P.S
Black History Month isn't just about people of African descent. I have a secret to share...black history is actually World History/U.S History so all cultures can celebrate. One of the reasons I don't get angry about only being recognized one month is because I know the impact my people have had on this world. Our ancestors literally built America on their backs and further more have invented so many things that we use today.

Black Inventions:
Hair brush/comb (1800s) soap, The Almanac(1971), the A/C unit (1949), blood plasma bags (1945), cellphones (1971), clothes dyer (1962) , automatic gear shift (1932), traffic lights (1923) just to name a few, there are hundreds of inventions by blacks that we use everyday. So next time you use one of the above, feel proud knowing that's the kind of brain power you come from.

SN: if you have some time to read a book highlighting black history or a black historic figure, worthy black fiction, and/or even black historic fiction based on real events please do & share!

Have a wonderful day. With all my love.
Peace!

The Vulnerable

I had a few thoughts I would like to share with you. I write my feelings often but I don't publish. I'm deviating from that today. So here goes...


The Vulnerable

On a day to day basis, I deal with demons. I fight to stay motivated, I laugh to keep from crying. I yell to muffle my fears, I find myself smiling to camouflage the true feelings, when I am alone. Sometimes I wonder why God chose me to take on this life, these pains, these years. I know you shouldn't second guess his work because he makes no mistakes but sometimes I can't help but think maybe I was the exception? My life has never been easy and I know this seems like a contradiction but I cant imagine life without its dirt and grim. I do wonder when will I be free??? I mean really free. Haunted because of your actions; the abandonment, dishonesty, crack pipes, burnt spoons, dirty needles, prostitution, abuse, promises, misguidance and mistreatment. Being nobody's daughter conjured a callous insecurity I was never aware of. Behind these brown eyes and capricious smile lies me, stripped. The truth is all I ever wanted was you to get your shit together. I now accept I was a bartering tool to get your fix. I sell myself short by letting the past drive my present, and so the present becomes the past quickly because I never embrace it. I never live in it. My struggle has been arduous but I think about the man or woman who has it 100x worse than me, and my jagged pill becomes a bit easier to swallow. I desire to break a dangerous cycle. Im planning my expungement from garbage. I look forward to a bright, successful, pity free me. Until then I will just play these cards with the best strategy that I know.

K.E.N ©

SEX (Mature Readers Only)

Hey Guys!

Today's post is about one of my favorite topics, sex! I am not going to go over board with it, do not worry. I know some people are less sexual than others and that is cool but regardless what your libido is you still needs to aim to please. You do not have to be a "freak" but you need to try to meet your partner half way. No one wants lazy or boring sex, trust me. I know I want someone who is going to make me remember, well after the sex is over, what it was like. I love heavy breathing, hot bodies, tussling, steamy, and wet sessions. All women are different, we all DO NOT like the same things. That is the first thing you need to know. Just because your last partner loved that thing you did with your tongue and her vaginal opening, does not mean the next girl will enjoy it. So pay attention, no one is going to stone you for not knowing, but do not keep doing the same tired shit over and over, watch how she responds to your touch, tongue, and kiss. This is for everyone, women and men. Figure out what YOUR partner needs to get where they need to be. That is part of the journey when you are with someone. It is awesome when one does not have to do an excessive amount of "research" to figure out what their partner needs but if you do have to do the research, just do it, its worth it.

It does not hurt to do something romantic every once in a while. Most people are down with some hardcore, solid sex on an average day. We all have busy schedules and demanding lives, and sometimes you just need to get in a (quick) orgasm/ or to "bust a nut". But every now and then get sexy for them. Light some candles, run a bubble bath, grab some beautiful flowers, make dinner or take them to dinner, or a opt for a full day outing (just you and them)- no distractions, go away for the day, some wine or your favorite spirit, a sexy get up, throw on some sexy tunes (if you like music), an irresistible undergarment, some sexy pumps, or keep it simple and wear nothing. If you aren't afraid of getting a little messy, utilize some whipped cream, cherries, chocolate syrup;  make a human sundae, and enjoy.  Be creative. ;-)

STOP being selfish. I am a pleaser so I love to see my partner satisfied. I have had orgasms from my partners obvious satisfaction. I promise it is possible. I understand if you are not totally comfortable with this and that is okay but try it, you might like it. Oral sex is not just foreplay. It will not kill you to perform until the curtains close. lol. What are you afraid of? Adults shouldn't be nervous about sexual adventure. Just do it, like NIKE (are you seeing a pattern with this phrase? lol). Now, I am not telling you to go putting your mouth on anything BUT do not be a prude in the bedroom. If you do not feel like you are good at "it", how will you improve unless you have practice? I am going call out the men on this one, do not be acting shy when it is time to eat the box. Seriously, don't be acting afraid or like you can not do it. It is only a big deal, when you make it one. Where is the logic in that? I am not even going to go into the spit and swallow debate. Because some of you guys are not ready for that just yet.

In my opinion every woman should own a sex toy. I have vibrators, bullets, and dildos in my collection. My personal favorite is the bullet mainly because I love clitoral stimulation. Self pleasure is a important part of knowing your body. If you do not know what to do yourself, how could you EVER guide someone else or how could you expect someone else to? I know some women are embarrassed by masturbation and other women say they do not get any pleasure from masturbation.

Let me tell you, you are not doing something right, because their is much pleasure and satisfaction in learning about yourself. There are to many women who have never had an orgasm. That shit is CRAZY!!! We need you ladies cumming. So if you do not masturbate for whatever reason, you've never done it, or you are against doing something out of the norm because you prefer being conservative please make an exception and try something new because what you are doing, isn't working. 

To go a bit further do not be afraid of bringing toys in the bedroom with your partner. They are wonderful at breaking the monotony. No one is asking you to change your routine overnight, just try something new. Talk to them and see what they think about the idea. I know many men are intimidated by toys but there is nothing to fear. If it is pleasing your woman, why not? You should be intimated by the next guy trying to do everything to her, you will not (and that is real).

Ladies and gentleman, life easily creates rifts and keeps us exhausted but there needs to be time made for intimacy and your partners emotional and sexual needs (you can often kill both birds with one stone). In no way do I condone cheating but the #1 reason people look outside their relationship is because they want to quench a sexual desire. Sometimes it is emotional of course but most of the time it is simply due to lack of sexual fulfillment. Get.With.The.Program. It is nothing wrong with spicing up your sex life with a threesome, trying a new position, or visiting to the strip club with your partner. Keep them interested. Love can only take you so far. No matter if you want to admit it or not, good sex is critical in a healthy relationship. Maybe not the most important element but it matters. 

Last but not least, I am tired of women blaming men for their short "cummings". It is just as much as a women's responsibility as it is your partner's (man or woman). Just because you are a woman does not mean you are satisfying him, because you have a vagina does not automatically mean you got the best sh*t ever. You may be surprised to find this out but guys fake orgasms too, ladies. You are probably saying "how in the hell can a guy physically fake a nut?" Plenty of my male friends have told me about times when they have faked to get sex over with because it was that boring, bad, or/and uncomfortable. Men deserve quality sex too. When you lay down with that man, make sure you give him 110%. This goes back to figuring out what your partner likes, needs, and wants. Once you figure that out, you can master it, and pleasing them will not be an issue. All and all, do not forget to have fun!

Remember

practice safe sex. 

xoxo, B

When does flirting go to far?

Hey guys! Most would say flirting is harmless and it's an innocent act, in most situations I would agree with that.

Usually people flirt because it is a way to show their interest in another person. But some people say that their "flirting" is often confused with mere kindness.

So when does "being nice/kind" become flirting?
Is it okay for your partner to flirt in front of you? Excessive laughing, hugging, touching, giggling, joking, compliments with someone other than your girl/guy may not be acceptable. But I think everyone flirts, and it's ok. You just don't want to flirt "to much"

I guess to answer most of these questions we would have to figure out what is the purpose of the flirting, and that is the million dollar question.

Be your own Pygmalion: Create your reality

When you find that one who you feel has been created just for you, you're so lucky. If your familiar with the Greek myth Pygmalion you know exactly what I'm talking about; the perfect mate.

Story of Pygmalion:
There are many versions but I will refer to Ovid's version for all intents and purposes. Pygmalion was a sculptor who sculpted a woman out of ivory. He had become very disgusted with the women of Cyprus (daughters of Propoetus) because of their behavior. They were forced to prostitute themselves by the Venus (the Roman goddess also known as Aphrodite) for not worshipping her properly. Pygmalion had decided he was not interested in these women. He sculpted his statue so realistically, beautifully, with so much affection, and love that he fell in love with his creation. Soon it was Aphrodite's/Venus's (the Greek goddess of love, pleasure, procreation, and beauty) festival, Pygmalion made offerings to Venus's temple and secretly prayed to make his ivory creation a real woman. When he went home, he kissed and touched the breast of his statue. She was no longer hard. She was soft, warm, and ALIVE!!! Venus had answered his prayers. The statue is referred to as Galatea in many writings. Pygmalion married Galatea with Venus's permission. They bore a child, and lived in bliss.

To me this Greek myth represents the ideology that one can create their own reality. Don't accept mediocrity or partial happiness. There are few things you have total control over in everyday life and they consist of what you will allow, what you will tolerate, demand, accept, and embrace when it comes to your partner/mate. Own your inner Pygmalion!

That's what it means to meet you soul mate. Someone who isn't perfect by definition but is you're perfection because they mesh with your imperfections and total being perfectly. The person, that completes you and makes you feel whole. That missing puzzle piece kind of love. When it's good to, and for you! Some "love" can be good to you and so bad for you but when you get good loving and it's improving your mental, spiritual, and emotional being...thats intrinsically (valuable) good love.

I think so often in our lives we force relationships when they're not meant to be. Some people are put in your life to teach us life lessons but we often try to keep them around after the lesson is learned which of course ends in pain and horror! I know I have! But when two people aren't equally yolked it will never work! Pygmalion, although extremely literal, created his soulmate and you can create your expectations based on what you deserve and desire. You will be astounded what you're perseverance for your "perfect love" will bring.

I'm a living testimony. I'm just sharing this based on what I've experienced and based on others experiences.

But what do I know...
Have a wonderful day beautiful people.
Seize the Day!!!!!!
Peace. :)

Welcome Baby Blue

I know this is a little late but I had to wait for all the hoopla to die down. On January 7th, 2012 Beyonce and JAY-Z welcomed their baby girl, Blue Ivy Carter into the world. The couple may have chose the name Blue because of Jay-Z's Blueprint albums and Ivy because of the roman number 4 (IV). Beyonce has a love of the number four, which is her birthday (Sept. 4), her husband's birthday (Dec. 4), her marriage (Apr. 4), her mother's birthday (Jan. 4), and of course it was he title of last studio album. These are just inferences, Jay nor Beyonce have not made a public statement about the meaning behind their daughters name.

They couldn't seem anymore pleased for the new addition to their dynasty. Despite the many nasty rumors and things said, Beyonce and Jay are elated about their bundle of joy. It has been said that they are even moving out of their Tribeca apartment in NYC to a mansion in Scarsdale, NY (a suburb outside the city) but they will still keep their apartment. Jay-Z did not waste any time to record a song, depicting his happiness for his baby girl, Blue. The track was entitled, Glory (which also may be a tribute to his mother, Gloria Carter) and it was a very personal song about their previous pregnancy and miscarriage, and the conception of baby Blue. he even included a snippet of his baby's cry. It is a cute song. Jay's vulnerability allows us to see just how happy Jay is to be a dad! Baby Carter has had more fame in her first hour on this Earth than most people will have in their lifetime! It will be interesting to see what the future holds for her and their family. So congratulations to the Carter's for their healthy baby girl.

Next question, when can we expect her to go on a world tour?! There is no word yet but all of the Beyonce fans (stans) are highly anticipating this tour. I hope it will be no later than the late summer, early fall. We can only hope! We know when Momma Be' does return she will be back with vengeance. We hope she means what she said in her song, GIRLS  (Run the World) literally, LOL ;)

"...How we're smart enough to make these millions
Strong enough to bare the children
Then get back to business..."

 Ultimately, one of the world's power couples has created an icon.

"...A younger, smarter, faster me
So a pinch of Hov, a whole glass of Be'...my greatest creation was you..."

Have a fantastic day my loves!

Happy Birthday MLK !!! A letter to myself (and you too).

Dear Bambi,

In lieu of Dr. Martin Luther King's birthday, I will take a moment to acknowledge ALL the great African American men and women who have suffered and fought for all my rights to be an educated African American female, with the privilege to vote, and the right to take advantage of my U.S Bill of Rights, Constitution, and the same public establishments as anyone else. THANK YOU.

Many take these rights for granted but you should, at the very least, take a moment and pay homage to the NUMEROUS lives lost for these supreme rights. Many of us could not even fathom fighting and dying for something we feel like our people, as a whole deserve, let alone working together to achieve common goals. You are truly blessed for those that came before us. You should be proud of your people! You come from a people who sat when told they had to move, who marched when they were ordered to be still and docile, and who spoke when expected to be silent. You come from men and women who armed themselves to protect their communities because they knew their rights, from people who built this nation (literally and figuratively), and tenacious women and men whose blood has been spilled all over this nation. So behave accordingly...you have rich history and you can walk with your head held high but remain humble because you still have history to make and your grandchildren need a future that is more promising than taking instruction from a rapper named 2 Chainz. My (For many of us, our) parents were the first generation that weren't forced/required to be domestics or work for Caucasians. They worked hard so we could have futures. So we can celebrate days like today for the many accomplishments of our famous and unknown heroes (i.e Nana, granddad, auntie, Mr. Williams from down the street, etc) thus far.You still have work to do. Happy Birthday Martin Luther King and thank you for all you diligence is fighting for my racial equality!

Sincerely, Bambi

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr

Do the Math: A poem written for me in a time of darkness by Debrita Callaway

Do the Math

1,825…
That’s how many times I told you I loved you,
If you take the five years we’ve been together
And times that by the 365 days in the year
Give or take a couple “I-love-you’s”
I-love-you times 1,825 is about the approximation
Of how long I’ve been with you,
From high school, to college,
I’ve paid homage
To you and this fuckin garbage…
Yea, I said garbage,
Cuz apparently I picked up a heap-a-fuckin trash,
I’m sick of it…
After 1 night of loosing my virginity to you,
2 break ups,
5 pregnancy scares,
20 concerts,
49 movie dates,
141 restaurant meals,
315 hours of sex,
$937 dollars in gifts for you,
AND ONE THOUSAND, EIGHT HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE I-LOVE-YOU’S,
You reward me with one “I just don’t love you anymore?”
-You just don’t love me anymore?
How DARE you dismiss our history with that one phrase said?
What the fuck did I do to be erased from your head?
What the fuck am I supposed to do when your half is dead,
And mine is still alive, trying to survive for the both of us…

I should have punched you in your face those 130 times I felt like it,
I should have cheated on you those 17 times I had the opportunity,
I should have left your ass there those 4 times you had to go to the hospital,
But I didn’t,
Because for 5 years, I’ve loved you every single day,
And no matter WHAT happened, my heart went your way,
Now for you to come at me saying, you just don’t feel the same,
Makes me think you’re insane for making our love life into a game…
I feel like behaving out of my name… but I’m not going to be vengeful,
I could stomp your face in,
But I feel that’s too simple…
So I’ll attempt to erase you from my life like you erased me from yours,
Cuz when someone else breaks your heart, you’ll remember
Why I was your core…
And you’ll say “Damn, I remember when love treated me kind
Those 1,824 times..."

F ck Child Support!!!

In the United States child support is payment made by a parent (mother or father) for maintenance of a child. By law a parent is often ordered to pay this. Although men are granted child support payment and I'm sure there are some who do take advantage of it, this post is about the many women, I know,who abuse the system. There are so many who use their children's support money to live, themselves which I don't condone. Im not gonna sugar coat it, I think it's BS that so many dads have to pay these women, as they are abusing the money. The requirement of child support payment isn't what disappoints me, it's the women who use their children's money to buy their boyfriend's/husband's shit, buying themselves clothes and shoes, getting their hair, nails, and feet done, etc. It burns me up! It's horrible, especially when the children are not being fully provided for. These men are expected to pay an arm and a leg for their children and often times end up dishing out extra money after they've paid their dollar amount child support,when they have there children. It's just not fair.
Then, of course if the men complain about the excess money they are spending its socially unacceptable. It's more principle than anything else. It's just not fair in my eyes. A person should not have to pay $500/ mo. for a preteen, and still be expected to dish out money when they have there child for visitation and when their child visits. I mean you think about your salary, imagine $500 (that is more than some people pay in rent) was coming out of your check each month and you were still expected to spend more money, you wouldn't be to thrilled either. It's not about not wanting to do for your child, it's more about how the system allows women to manipulate it.
If only we could create some kind of debit card system similar to EBT (electronic benefit transfer) which only allows purchase of unprepared food. A debit card, the "child payment debit card" would allow the parent receiving the child support to be able to use their card for registered bill payment (you would have to register your household which would eliminate paying bills where the child is not living ), clothes, and shoes in the size of the child/children (anytime the child's sizes change, their parent would be required to get that information updated) in a national database, and food. Anything not registered or entered in this database would not be an approved purchase. This would prevent parents from abusing their child support money and using it for themselves. It would truly benefit the child if this was done. Although extremely far fetched, the point I'm making is we need to get our communities together and do the right things.
Now let's address the fact that we shouldn't even have to depend on the legal system to determine how much support our children need. In the same breath it saddens me because I know we need the court system, without it, many children wouldn't have one of their parent's support, as sad as that is. So, there's no way we could do without the legal intervention right now. It's just really important that parents use their child's support money responsibly.

A thought provoking question: If I child has everything he/she needs, why does anyone have to pay anything?

Fuck Child Support & public policy for that matter!

As a woman, if you're reading this and you can't understand where I'm coming from, imagine you marry a man who has a child from a previous relationship or marriage and $500-600 is taken out of your household each month and given to another household YET your stepchild always needs and/or comes and stays with your husband and you on the weekends and you still have to feed, entertain, and provide for the child every weekend in addition to what you're paying monthly. Is it okay, now? Just think about it...

Super Shout out to the Mommys and Daddys who take care of the kids (with and) without the judicial system! Even though you should be doing what you do for your child, praise is still In order. Peace

-B

What is love? Breaking it down..

Love is such an over used sentiment . That's what this post is focused on, among other things. Either people are saying "I love you" with out any genuine meaning or saying it just to get what they want, or simply because they think it's what you want to hear. Whatever the reasons, they often aren't the right ones.
So, let's first break down this thing called LOVE. What the heck is it? I mean what does it even mean? At its most basic platform it's an emotion. Its a noun or verb. It is a emotion of strong affection, caring, and, admiration. All these adjectives break down the WORD love. I don't really think that's where the disconnect lies with most of us. I believe the disconnect is within the description of love and the inconsistency of the actions of those who "love" us.
What I've been taught growing up is if you love someone you stand beside them in darkness and in light, you love them even when you HATE their actions, you should be able to be honest with those you love at all times, you should love unselfishly, and you should always be loyal and faithful to your love. What I've learned from experience is all this is true but also should apply when loving yourself and ultimately if you're not doing all the prior for yourself, you've already lost. Let me share a quick story. A few years ago I thought I was in love with this guy. By definition, I loved him "to tee". I was unselfish in every way to him but I didn't honor myself the way I honored him because I didn't give myself any of the love I was so good at giving, so of course he did not see the value in me. At the demise of our relationship (after finally letting it go, after forcing shit) I was drained, used up, and almost lost my ambition. I never want to feel like that again. So each day I remind myself that not only do I deserve deep self love but I would not ever allow myself to be toyed with again. Don't feel guilty for loving yourself.
So how do you know if you're loving yourself enough? If you're questioning whether you are, you aren't loving yourself hard enough. You're always second, even in your own life, and that's not ok. It's not easy to address though because it means admitting you need work as well, not just your partner. Now how important love is in partnership is completely up to you. If you can live life everyday knowing love is not as important as another element of your relationship then that's fine. Whatever works for you is what's important. Don't use other's lifestyles as a model for your needs. I'm no relationship expert but I know thats not a foul proof system. Fairy tales aren't real and I would prefer the real love over fairy love any day. Although fairy love would probably be AMAZING (lol). Seriously though. Everything that looks good isn't, simply stated. So don't covet what someone else has. It may be more fucked up than what you're working though/dealing with.

Relationships are work but it's not a job. If you ever feel like your relationship is a job, evaluation is needed. You may be working alone. It is true that people who love each other do hurt each other sometimes. At times it's just a hurtful word which can be easily adjusted or talked about and sometimes it can be more painful like not having any desire to be intimate, dishonesty, and cheating. You can definitely work through the small and larger issues but always remember to do this mending for you and your partner not to protect your image in other's eyes. Don't live in misery to "put on face" or just because you fear being alone. I say all these things because I've had personal experiences not because I'm above it. No one is to blame for mistakes, failures, and shortcomings unless you keep repeating the same ones.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?????
Marriage is a beautiful and sacred union of two people who share love :-) Notice I said it needs to be shared. Both parties, hearts,minds, and souls should be 100% committed into a life decision like marriage. If there are any doubts, there needs to be a discussion and/or counseling. Counseling probably should be mandatory during the engagement anyway.
Now, I'm sure everyone is familiar with the idiom "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Well, in my opinion, there's a few reasons. Free shit usually isn't AS good as purchased goods, who knows how long that "free" resource will be free or be available to you. In addition to that, if you invest in the cow you're more likely to make sure that cow is cared for appropriately which means you're pretty much guaranteed good quality "milk".

Before I go, I wanna speak to all the amazing men and women out there! The parents (single & married) holding down there families, children, and taking care of their responsibilities. The respectable, good men who feel like they always finish last because they aren't dogging women. The women who don't give all of themselves to get attention...you will be rewarded for your diligence. Trust me someone's paying attention to your actions ;-)
Don't be discouraged if you feel like your King or Queen is taking a little longer than you've anticipated. They may have been stopped on the course to you for a little more perfecting, tweaking, and practice. Or you may be being tweaked and perfected for them! Lets perfect that self love first.

Sincerely, B