Do the Math: A poem written for me in a time of darkness by Debrita Callaway

Do the Math

1,825…
That’s how many times I told you I loved you,
If you take the five years we’ve been together
And times that by the 365 days in the year
Give or take a couple “I-love-you’s”
I-love-you times 1,825 is about the approximation
Of how long I’ve been with you,
From high school, to college,
I’ve paid homage
To you and this fuckin garbage…
Yea, I said garbage,
Cuz apparently I picked up a heap-a-fuckin trash,
I’m sick of it…
After 1 night of loosing my virginity to you,
2 break ups,
5 pregnancy scares,
20 concerts,
49 movie dates,
141 restaurant meals,
315 hours of sex,
$937 dollars in gifts for you,
AND ONE THOUSAND, EIGHT HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE I-LOVE-YOU’S,
You reward me with one “I just don’t love you anymore?”
-You just don’t love me anymore?
How DARE you dismiss our history with that one phrase said?
What the fuck did I do to be erased from your head?
What the fuck am I supposed to do when your half is dead,
And mine is still alive, trying to survive for the both of us…

I should have punched you in your face those 130 times I felt like it,
I should have cheated on you those 17 times I had the opportunity,
I should have left your ass there those 4 times you had to go to the hospital,
But I didn’t,
Because for 5 years, I’ve loved you every single day,
And no matter WHAT happened, my heart went your way,
Now for you to come at me saying, you just don’t feel the same,
Makes me think you’re insane for making our love life into a game…
I feel like behaving out of my name… but I’m not going to be vengeful,
I could stomp your face in,
But I feel that’s too simple…
So I’ll attempt to erase you from my life like you erased me from yours,
Cuz when someone else breaks your heart, you’ll remember
Why I was your core…
And you’ll say “Damn, I remember when love treated me kind
Those 1,824 times..."