"She's so nice..." : Healing & Self Worth/Love 101

I have always been taught to be respectful and to always consider others. My grandmother raised me to have reverence and to always be mindful of the treatment of others. She was a force to be reckoned with, to say the least. Due to my rearing, I value respect and I have been conditioned to be quite timid. I consider myself an outspoken and confident woman but over the years my timid deposition has caused me a great deal of pain and anguish, especially with my family. I do not have issues saying the things that need to be said to my friends, employers, and co-workers but when it comes to family I struggle with telling them my true feelings, mainly because I do not want them to think I am trying to hurt their feelings, when that is not my intention. The other reason is definitely due to trust issues, and that extends outside of my family.

Often times when there is an issue in my family there is a lot of violent arguing, yelling, and carrying on. I do not believe in taking low blows at others nor do i think it is effective. Some people behave like this and then want you to forgive them or "move on". Why forgive them when they are doing nothing to correct the negative behavior and plan to do the same thing again? I am not that person for one, and I do not agree with that kind of behavior from adults. Arguing and disagreements are inevitable but is it really necessary to call people names, get physical, use profanity, and or have a disgusting attitude?

In the last few years, I have adopted a newer way of thinking when it comes to people and the way I treat or perceive them. I have realized many people didn't really deserve the respect I gave them. I came to this conclusion because they do not respect others the least bit, and do not respect themselves.  However these are often the same individuals that feel entitled and give themselves to much credit. 

I have struggled a great deal of my life and there have been few people who have truly been there or came to my rescue, with no foul intent. By no means do I feel like anyone owes me anything, instead I am saying, one should not expect unconditional love and a helping hand, when they haven't done the same. I am an adult that deserves respect and I will respect those that give me the same courtesy. I will not allow others to mistreat me or affect my moods, that do not have stock or investment in my life. It's just foolish to do otherwise!

In order to have total body well being, you must be well emotionally and mentally, as well as physically. I have often put my well being, feelings, and my best interest on the back burner, to only be criticized and not even recognized for sacrifices made or work I have done. In my life,"she's so nice" often translated to "she is an easy target to take advantage of", and I will take accountability for allowing people to do so.

I leave you with this, always value yourself, otherwise you will be an easy target. I was easy to mistreat because the perception of the abuser is that I didn't have self value, others notice this and WILL take advantage of your "kindness". Do not allow others to make you feel obligated, guilty, and or allow others to victimize themselves especially when they are, in fact, wrong. Do rid yourself of toxic friendships and relationships  (I will post more detail on toxic relationships soon). Do be strong and stand for the things you believe in. Understand that when people truly love you, they will not constantly try to exude negative emotions, your way or place unreasonable pressures on you. Learning how not to tolerate, what I consider, mistreatment from others has been challenging and I am sure my non-tolerance has ruffled feathers, but I am committed to a life of loving myself and being respectful.

I will never change who I am because of negative people. I will still remain "nice" and pleasant to those that treat me with decency, show me love, and respect. One of my best friends always says "I show/give love where its shown/given" and that is the silver lining. Have a great day guys!

"Life is a flow of love; your participation is requested."

xoxo


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